CHAPTER 41
Note
^ V July 20, 1991 IMP SEQ the fact that godshatter thought it important
^ V to kill ramships probably implies that there is something that
^ V could be done at TW even after the maxi Surge that would help the
^ V Blight
^ V April 13, 1991 Humans affected somehow (RETRO). Packs affected
^ V substantially, in those cases where they can get together
^ V Some affect on Amdi
^ V Focus: This is like being next to a volcano
^ V Feeling in air on skin. Enormous power.
^ V jrf thinks the sun thing is almost good enough to carry the
^ V whole scene. But comment on how much power this is
^ V Emphasize it and how small it is beside the unseen.
^ V This is what jfr meant by "more timely feedback"
^ V April 13, 1991 Somewhere make clear/imply that the stealing
^ V of energy is from above the surface of the sun
!V RETRO write Woodcarver's obsession about keeping promises (or weaken
!V it if you decide to partially kill Vendacious)
!V April 7, 1991 I think the proper notion is that News agrees
!V on most of the facts about Countermeasure (and correctly,
!V except for its connection with Zone storm)
![5:10am August 8, 1990 ] notes for climax -- should move to
! denouement.txt
! *Have a Net message; being at the head of a pin
! *Great balloon image: OOB
! *Feeling of danger, yet resignation, done everything you could
! Rav may think the best that could happen would be to get a message out
! Be nice if the cause of the Minisurge came as something of a surprise
! to most readers?
^ V ID IMP that part of Pham's function is to direct/focus Countermeasure;
^ V otherwise it is spastic -- as witness the <mini>surge
! NO: Countermeasure was designed for down here
! This is still Pham
! Make a list of dying statements
! Ravna: Shocked image of what the surge means to civilization
^ CHK INCON for repetition with similar statements about what
^ the consequences of the minisurge were
^
Note
!QU all along, there have been suggestions for titles and chapter titles.
! Any suggestions for matching titles to chapters of this draft are
! certainly welcome.
!RETRO If you want this scene at all, you should have her come down on
! the north side of the castle, where presumably there aren't a lot of
! corpses to distract from your peaceful imagery. TUF
^ PRB I think you need more description here, perhaps about disposition
^ of troops.
^ V It seems like I need these Ravna scenes to have her finally meet
^ V the kids. On the other hand, does it slow up the remaining
^ V life-or-death crisis?
!jrf2 You're right; you need these scenes.
^ V March 23, 1991 Done right, I think her indirect advance here
^ V could be due to her despair and because she knows that Pham is
^ V killing himself -- but this is still thin.
^ V June 19, 1991 Also she feels shame at having brought the Blight's
^ V hammer upon these people
^ V June 19, 1991 100ha to a square km ( 1ha = 1e4 m**2). So I'm mainly
^ V referening to the oil destruction here
^ V June 19, 1991 Inappropriate image here?
Ravna walked across the field toward the waiting packs. The thick smoke had been blown away, but its smell was still heavy in the air. The hillside was burned-over desolation. From above, Steel's castle had looked like the center of a great, black nipple, hectares of natural and pack-made destruction capping the hill.
Note
! The brush fires that still swept up the fjords were mild
! by comparison.
!V CHK wind direction
The soldiers silently made way for her. More than one cast an uneasy glance at the starship grounded behind her. She walked slowly past them toward the ones who waited. Eerie the way they sat, like picnickers but all uneasy about each other's presence. This must be the equivalent of a close staff conference for them. Ravna walked toward the pack at the center, the one sitting on silken mats. Intricate wooden filigree hung around the necks of the adults, but some of those looked sick, old. And there were two puppies sitting out front of it. They stepped precisely forward as Ravna crossed the last stretch of open ground.
"Er, you're the Woodcarver?" she asked.
A woman's voice, incredibly human, came from one of the larger members. "Yes, Ravna. I'm Woodcarver. But it's Peregrine you want. He's up in the castle, with the children.
"Oh."
Note
!PRB Elaborate on how the cart looks to Ravna.
"We have a wagon. We can take you inwards right away." One of them pointed at a vehicle being drawn up the hillside. "But you could have landed much closer, could you not?"
Ravna shook her head. "No. Not ... anymore." This was the best landing that she and Greenstalk could make.
Note
!V QU why did she land outside?
!V June 19, 1991 Hell, it was hard for her to land at all!
The heads cocked at her, all a coordinated gesture. "I thought you were in a terrible hurry. Peregrine says there is a fleet of spacers coming hot on your trail."
For an instant Ravna didn't say anything. So Pham had told them of the Blight? But she was glad he had. She shook her head, trying to clear it of the numbness. "Y-yes. We are in a great hurry." The dataset on her wrist was linked to the OOB. Its tiny display showed the steady approach of the Blight's fleet.
All the heads twisted, a gesture that Ravna couldn't interpret. "And you despair. I fear I understand."
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 Slightly AWK paragraph
How can you? And if you can, how can you forgive us? But all that Ravna said aloud was, "I'm sorry."
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 Is it too much to mix the moth image with the last
^ V sentence in this paragraph?
The Queen mounted her wagon and they rolled across the hillside toward the castle walls. Ravna looked back once. Down slope, the OOB lay like a great, dying moth. Its topside drive spines arched a hundred meters into the air. They glistened a wet, metallic green. Their landing had not been quite a crash. Even now, agrav canceled some of the craft's weight. But the drive spines on the ground side were crumpled. Beyond the ship, the hillside fell steeply away to the water and the islands. The westering sun cast hazy shadows across the islands and on the castle beyond the straits. A fantasy scene of castles and starships.
Note
!V Is it okay not to mention Greenstalk here? June 19, 1991 TUF
The display on her wrist serenely counted down the seconds.
"Steel put gunpowder bombs all around the dome." Woodcarver swept a couple of noses, pointing upwards. Ravna followed her gesture. The arches were more like a Princess cathedral than military architecture: pink marble challenging the sky. And if it all came down, it would surely wreck the spacecraft parked beneath.
Note
!V CHK INCON 2 domes ????
Woodcarver said that Pham was in there now. They rolled indoors, through dark, cool rooms. Ravna glimpsed row after row of coldsleep boxes. How many might still be revivable? Will we ever find out? The shadows were deep. "You're sure that Steel's troops are gone?"
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 "entrance to main dome"?
Woodcarver hesitated, her heads staring in different directions. So far, pack expressions were impossible for Ravna to read. "Reasonably sure. Anybody still in the castle would need to be behind lots of stone, or my search parties would have found them. More important, we have what's left of Steel." The Queen seemed to read Ravna's questioning expression perfectly. "You didn't know? Apparently Lord Steel came down here to blow all the bombs. It would have been suicide, but that pack was always a crazy one. Someone stopped him. There was blood all over. Two of him are dead. We found the rest wandering around, a whimpering mess... Whoever did Steel in is also behind the rapid retreat. That someone is doing his best to avoid any confrontation. He won't be back soon, though I fear I'll have to face dear Flenser eventually."
Note
!V [cf jrf2 in c04] possible echo of "plenty of noise" reference here NO
^ ?V INCON timing compared to a few paragraphs earlier
Under the circumstances, Ravna figured that was one problem that would never materialize. Her dataset showed forty-five hours till the Blight's arrival.
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 mARK
^ V June 19, 1991 AWK ordering
Jefri and Johanna were by their starship, under the main dome. They sat on the steps of the landing ramp, holding hands. When the wide doors opened and Woodcarver's wagon drove through, the girl stood and waved. Then they saw Ravna. The boy walked first quickly then more slowly across the wide floor. "Jefri Olsndot?" Ravna called softly. He had a tentative, dignified posture that seemed much too old for an eight-year-old. Poor Jefri had lost much, and lived with so little for so long. She stepped down from the wagon and walked toward him.
Note
!V size INCON
The boy advanced out of the shadows. He was surrounded by a near mob of small-size pack members. One of them hung on his shoulder; others tumbled around his feet without ever seeming to get in his way; still others followed his path both in front and behind. Jefri stopped well back from her. "Ravna?"
She nodded.
"Could you step a little closer? The Queen's mind sound is too close." The voice was still the boy's, but his lips hadn't moved. She walked the few meters that still separated them. Puppies and boy advanced hesitantly. Up close she could see the rips in his clothing, and what looked like wound dressings on his shoulders and elbows and knees. His face looked recently washed, but his hair was a sticky mess. He looked up at her solemnly, then raised his arms to hug her. "Thank you for coming." His voice was muffled against her, but he wasn't crying. "Yes, thank you, thank poor Mr. Blueshell." His voice again, sad but unmuffled, coming from the pack of puppies all around them.
Johanna Olsndot had advanced to stand just behind them. Only fourteen is she? Ravna reached a hand toward her. "From what I hear, you were a rescue force all by yourself."
Woodcarver's voice came from the wagon. "Johanna was that. She changed our world."
Ravna gestured up the ship's ramp, at the glow of the interior lighting. "Pham's up there?"
The girl started to nod, was preempted by the pack of puppies. "Yes, he is. He and the Pilgrim are up there." The pups disentangled themselves and started up the steps, one remaining behind to tug Ravna toward the ramp. She started after them, with Jefri close beside her.
"Who is this pack?" she said abruptly to Jefri, pointing to the puppies.
The boy stopped in surprise. "Amdi of course."
Note
!V May 26, 1991 Is Amdi too cheery here, after just losing his
!V estimation for Steel? June 19, 1991 TUF. I do say he's
!V morose in patches
"I'm sorry," Jefri's voice came from the puppies. "I've talked to you so much, I forget you don't know --" There was a chorus of tones and chords that ended in a human giggle. She looked down at the bobbing heads, and was certain the little devil was quite aware of his misrepresentations. Suddenly a mystery was solved. "Pleased to meet you," she said, angered and charmed at the same time. "Now --"
Note
^ V Here is where different puppy sizes would affect things.
"Right, there are much more important things now." The pack continued to hop up the stairs. "Amdi" seemed to alternate between shy sadness and manic activity. "I don't know what they're up to. They kicked us out as soon as we showed them around."
Ravna followed the pack, Jefri close behind. It didn't sound like anything was going on. The interior of the dome was like a tomb, echoing with the talk of the few packs who guarded it. But here, halfway up the steps, even those sounds were muted, and there was nothing coming through the hatch at the top. "Pham?"
"He's up there." It was Johanna, at the base of the stairs. She and Woodcarver were looking up at them. She hesitated, "I'm not sure if he's okay. After the battle, he -- he seemed strange."
Woodcarver's heads weaved about, as if she were trying to get a good look at them through the glare of the hatch lights. "The acoustics in this ship of yours are awful. How can humans stand it?"
Amdi: "Ah, it's not so bad. Jefri and I spent lots of time up here. I got used to it." Two of his heads were pushing at the hatch. "I don't know why Pham and Pilgrim kicked us out; we could have stayed in the other room and been real quiet."
Ravna stepped carefully between the pack's lead puppies and pounded on the hull metal. It wasn't hard-latched; now she could hear the ship's ventilation. "Pham, what progress?"
There was a rustling sound and the click of claws. The hatch slid partway back. Bright, flickering light spilled down the ramp. A single doggy head appeared. Ravna could see white all around its eyes. Did that mean anything? "Hi," it said. "Uh, look. Things are a bit tense just now. Pham -- I don't think Pham should be bothered."
Ravna slipped her hand past the gap. "I'm not here to bother him. But I am coming in." How long we've fought for this moment. How many billions have died along the way. And now some talking dog tells me things are a bit tense.
The Pilgrim looked down at her hand. "Okay." He slid the hatch far enough open to let her through. The pups were quick around her heels, but they recoiled before the Pilgrim's glance. Ravna didn't notice....
Note
!V might remark again its stripped down nature and perhaps the reasons
!V there are no drive spines
!V NÆH: SOLN In fact earlier, when Pham asks about Arne's landing, Jefri
!V might mention how the agrav had failed.
!V INCON earlier you still had lots of coldsleep boxes in here
!V I think that corrected now (c24) March 3, 1991
!V March 17, 1991 still numerous earlier places where not corrected??
The "ship" was scarcely more than a freight container, a cargo hull. The cargo this time -- the coldsleep boxes -- had been removed, leaving a mostly level floor, dotted with hundreds of fittings.
Note
!RETROwrite some presentiment of what Countermeasure will look like here,
! in your earlier encounters with Amdijefri and Countermeasure.
!V Update the mold aspect of Countermeasure in this chapter.
!V Overall, you want to tie this more to the previously reported
!V appearance of the mold, and maybe move it into the commmand cabin.
All this she scarcely noticed. It was the light, the thing that held her. It grew out from the walls and gathered almost too bright to bear at the center of the hold. Its shape changed and changed again, the colors shifting from red to violet to green. Pham sat crosslegged by the apparition, within it. Half his hair was burned away. His hands and arms were shivering, and he mumbled in some language she didn't recognize. Godshatter. Two times it had been the companion to disaster. A dying Power's madness ... and now it was the only hope. Oh Pham.
Ravna took a step toward him, felt jaws close on her sleeve. "Please, he mustn't be disturbed." The one that was holding her arm was a big dog, battle-scarred. The rest of the pack -- Pilgrim -- all faced inwards on Pham. The savage stared at her, somehow saw the anger rising in her face. Then the pack said, "Look ma'am, your Pham's in some sort of fugue state, all the normal personality traded for computation."
Note
!V March 3, 1991 Consider deleting this detour into Peregrine's
!V background knowledge.
!V June 6, 1991 Maybe she should just assume he is talking beyond
!V his real knowledge (parroting). This would be consistent with
!V what Peregrine says about her on the atoll.
!PRB how to indicate that this is a artifact.
!ID REN consider "froth" "fractional dimensional froth" in place of
! "fractal"
!V not in place of, but as a synonym March 3, 1991
Huh? This Pilgrim had the jargon, but probably not much else. Pham must have been talking to him. She made a shushing gesture. "Yes, yes. I understand." She stared into the light. The changing shape, so hard to look at, was something like the graphics you can generate on most displays, the silly cross-sections of high-dimensional froths. It glowed in purest monochrome, but shifted through the colors. Much of the light must be coherent: interference speckles crawled on every solid surface. In places the interference banded up, stripes of dark and light that slid across the hull as the color changed.
Note
^ Page 733, INSERT E [begins a paragraph]:
She walked slowly closer, staring at Pham and ... the Countermeasure. For what else could it be? The scum in the walls, now grown out to meet godshatter. This was not simply data, a message to
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 But why would she really know of such appearance?
be relayed. This was a Transcendent machine. Ravna had read of such things: devices made in the Transcend, but for use at the Bottom of the Beyond. There would be nothing sentient about it, nothing that violated the constraints of the Lower Zones -- yet it would make the best possible use of nature here, to do whatever its builder had desired: Its builder? The Blight? An enemy of the Blight?
Note
^ &^ V QU last couple of sentences ham-handed: tojrf
!V Remember Pham's burned hair, too.
She stepped closer. The thing was deep in Pham's chest, but there was no blood, no torn flesh. She might have thought it all trick holography except that she could see him shudder at its writhing. The fractal arms were feathered by long teeth, twisting at him. She gasped and almost called his name. But Pham wasn't resisting. He seemed deeper into godshatter than ever before, and more at peace. The hope and fear came suddenly out of hiding: hope that maybe, even now, godshatter could do something about the Blight; and fear, that Pham would die in the process.
Note
!V change "Testament" to another term consistently
^ V Make it very explicit that Countermeasure is being used to call
^ V out for help (though there is then a little INCON with its
^ V ability to cause the miniSurge -- apparently it can affect things
^ V some on its own)
^ V This is where you get the notion that it is spastic without
^ V the control, in particular of Pham's godshatter. cf Sandor in c32
The artifact's twisting evolution slowed. The light hung at the pale edge of blue. Pham's eyes opened. His head turned toward her. "The Riders' Myth is real, Ravna." His voice was distant. She heard the whisper of a laugh. "The Riders should know, I guess. They learned the last time. There are Things that don't like the Blight. Things my Old One only guessed at...."
Note
!jdv IMP RETRO p828 references to the Riders' Myth -- clarify
Powers beyond the Powers? Ravna sank to the floor. The display on her wrist glowed up at here. Less than forty-five hours left.
Pham saw her downward glance, "I know. Nothing has slowed the fleet. It's a pitiful thing so far down here ... but more than powerful enough to destroy this world, this solar system. And that's what the Blight wants now. The Blight knows I can destroy it ... just as it was destroyed before."
Ravna was vaguely aware that Pilgrim had crawled in close on all sides. Every face was fixed on the blue froth and the human enmeshed within. "How, Pham?" Ravna whispered.
Note
!QU "back push": I want a word for what happens when, just before a
! tsunami hits, the water draws quickly back from the coast
!jrf2 jrf: "undertow". jdv: "riptide"
!V Dictionary: "riptide" == "rip current" == "a strong
!V surface current flowing outward from a shore"
Silence. Then, "All the zone turbulence ... that was Countermeasure trying to act, but without coordination. Now I'm guiding it. I've begun ... the reverse surge. It's drawing on local energy sources. Can't you feel it?"
Reverse surge? What was Pham talking about? She glanced again at her wrist -- and gasped. Enemy speed had jumped to twenty light-years per hour, as fast as might be expected in the Middle Beyond. What had been almost two days of grace was barely two hours. And now the display said twenty-five light-years per hour. Thirty.
Someone was pounding on the hatch.
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 "krima" CHK for collision with vocab in Grimm's World
Scrupilo was delinquent. He should be supervising the move up the hillside. He knew that, and really felt quite guilty -- but he persevered in his dereliction. Like an addict chewing krima leaves, some things are too delicious to give up.
Note
!V June 19, 1991 FRAG, as too wordy and somewhat repetitive of
!V Woodcarver's earlier statment:
! He
! judged that Woodcarver let him get away with it because his curiosity
! was the same character flaw that had led him to take such chances in
! the development of the Queen's artillery.
Scrupilo dawdled behind, carrying Dataset carefully between him so that its floppy pink ears would not drag on the ground. In fact, guarding Dataset was certainly more important than hassling his troopers. In any case, he was close enough to give advice. And his lieutenants were more clever than he at everyday work.
Note
!V BKG INCON CHK "fliers" instead of "birds" ? <"birds" used elsewhere>
During the last few hours, the coastal winds had taken the smoke clouds inland, and the air was clean and salty. On this part of the hill, not everything was burned. There were even some flowers and fluffy seed pods. Bob-tailed birds sailed up the rising air from the sea valley, their cries a happy music, as if promising that the world would soon be as before.
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 CHK OED Oliphaunt
!V properly RETRO write "Oliphaunt"
!jrf |||||||||??
!V This is a young child's dataset. I have
!V to RETRO write a little more about its appearance, I guess.
!jrf2 "Oliphaunt" is animal name? Should describe this a little on first
!jrf2 encounter with the dataset. [V: I think I do in the corrected ms]
!V CHK dimensions of OOB: 2*100m + hullwidth = spine span?
!V 120m long. Mass 20000Tonnes June 19, 1991
!V June 19, 1991 according to Guinness p301 USS Nimitz (aircraft carrier
!V considered large in 1984) is 322.8m long 91487 short tons
!V (~83000 Tonnes). Big sub from same era: 180m 30000 tons dived
!V displacement
Scrupilo knew it could not be. He turned all his heads to look down the hillside, at Ravna Bergsndot's starship. He estimated the surviving drive spines as one hundred meters long. The hull itself was more than one hundred and twenty. He hunkered down around Dataset, and popped open its cushioned Oliphaunt face. Dataset knew lots about spacecraft. Actually, this ship was not a human design, but the overall shape was fairly ordinary; he knew that from his previous readings. Twenty to thirty thousand tonnes, equipped with antigravity floats and faster-than-light drive. All very ordinary for the Beyond.... But to see it here, through the eyes of his very own members! Scrupilo couldn't keep his gaze from the thing. Three of him worked with Dataset while the other two stared at the iridescent green hull. The troopers and guncarts around him faded to insignificance. For all its mass, the ship seemed to rest gently on the hillside. How long will it be before we can build such? Centuries, without outside help, the histories in Dataset claimed. What I wouldn't give for a dayaround aboard her!
Note
!V April 6, 1991 "Balloon" image is good for consistency with Blabber,
!V but doesn't quite match previous description in this ms. FIXED
Yet this ship was being chased by something mightier. Scrupilo shivered in the summer sun. He had often enough heard Pilgrim's story of the first landing, and he had seen the human's beam weapon. He had read much in Dataset about planet-wrecker bombs and the other weapons of the Beyond. While he worked on Woodcarver's cannon -- the best weapons he could bring to be -- he had dreamed and wondered. Until he saw the starship floating above, he had never quite felt the reality in his innermost hearts. Now he did. So a fleet of killers lay close behind Ravna Bergsndot. The hours of the world might be few indeed. He tabbed quickly through Dataset's search paths, looking for articles about space piloting. If there be only hours, at least learn what there is time to learn.
So Scrupilo was lost in the sound and vision of Dataset. He had three windows open, each on a different aspect of the piloting experience.
Loud shouts from the hillside. He looked up with one head, more irritated than anything else. It wasn't a battle alarm they were calling, just a general unease. Strange, the afternoon air seemed pleasantly cool. Two of him looked high, but there was no haze. "Scrupilo! Look, Look!"
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 You may want to shift c37, c38 so as to make this
^ V about noon (that would be about a twelve hour shift on all local
^ V time references
His gunners were dancing in panic. They were pointing at the sky ... at the sun. He folded the pink covers over Dataset's face, at the same time looking sunward with shaded view. The sun was still high in the south, dazzling bright. Yet the air was cool, and the birds were making the cooing sounds of low-sun nesting. And suddenly he realized that he was looking straight at the sun's disk, had been for five seconds -- without pain or even watering of his eyes. And there was still no haze that he could see. An inner chill spread across his mind.
The sunlight was fading. He could see black dots on its disk. Sunspots. He had seen them often enough with Scriber's telescopes. But that had been through heavy filters. Something stood between him and the sun, something that sucked away its light and warmth.
The packs on the hillside moaned. It was a frightened sound Scrupilo had never heard in battle, the sound of someone confronted by unknowable terror.
Note
!TITLE "When Straumers Go Afaring" in reference to Ravna's leaving home
! to work for Vrinimi (oops, but she's from SjK), or go to the High Lab.
!PRB QU It would really be nice if I had some first hand insight into what
! things were like at the High Lab. Possibilities:
! Speculation -- as at the bar at the High Docks
! Overhearing Jefri's parents discuss things
! Jefri's own recollections -- as bounced off whom, though?
! Records on board the refugee ship, perhaps as viewed by the kids
! IMP In any case, under my present scheme the kids are going to be
! fooling with the Testament. PRB Have to do it in such a way that
! it doesn't give too much away. SOLN: Scene playing with the fungus.
Blue faded from the sky. The air was suddenly cold as deep dark night. And the sun's color was a gray luminescence, like a faded moon. Less. Scrupilo hunkered bellies to ground. Some of him was whistling deep in the throat. Weapons, weapons. But Dataset never spoke of this.
The stars were the brightest light on the hillside.
Note
!V April 6, 1991 CHKd preceding two paragraphs for undesirable
!V resonance with "Nightfall"
Note
!V March 29, 1991 switch to Pham PoV here?
"Pham, Pham. They'll be here in an hour. What have you done?" A miracle, but of ill?
Note
!V ID Maybe somewhere in all the Net News speculation, there could
!V be some discussion of planting countermeasures in archives.
!V June 19, 1991 Sandor does this (c32, I think)
!V Alternatively, Pham might bring this up in that scene in their
!V shared cabin on the OOB Lost Time MSGs
Pham Nuwen swayed in Countermeasure's bright embrace. His voice was almost normal, the godshatter receding. "What have I done? Not much. And more than any Power. Even Old One only guessed, Ravna. The thing the Straumers brought here is the Rider Myth. We -- I, it -- just moved the Zone boundary back. A local change, but intense. We're in the equivalent of the High Beyond now, maybe even the Low Transcend locally. That's why the Blighter fleet can move so fast."
"But --"
Pilgrim was back from the hatch. He interrupted Ravna's incoherent panic with a matter-of-fact, "The sun just went out." His heads bobbed in an expression she couldn't fathom.
Pham answered, "That's temporary. Something has to power this maneuver."
"W-why, Pham?" Even if the Blight was sure to win, why help it?
The man's face went blank, Pham Nuwen almost disappearing behind the other programs at work in his mind. Then, "I'm ... focusing Countermeasure. I see now, Countermeasure, what it is.... It was designed by something beyond the Powers. Maybe there are Cloud People, maybe this is signaling them. Or maybe what it's just done is like an insect bite, something that will cause a much greater reaction. The Bottom of the Beyond has just receded, like the waterline before a tsunami." The Countermeasure glared red-orange, its arcs and barbs embracing Pham more tightly than before. "And now that we've bootstrapped to a decent Zone ... things can really happen. Oh, the ghost of Old One is amused. Seeing beyond the Powers was almost worth dying for."
The fleet stats flowed across Ravna's wrist. The Blight was coming on even faster than before. "Five minutes, Pham." Even though they were still thirty light-years out.
Note
!V QU INCON do you explain any where/why Countermeasure was stored
!V in the lost archive? June 19, 1991 I think Sandor mentions it in c32
!V Related to this is the notion that the "Something" is not directly
!V sentient
^ V Notion that the Zones must be sentient
^ V IMP ID use News to clear up INCONs: eg, the apparent
!V incompetence of the Blighter Fleet (machines not of Transcendent
!V manufacture) June 19, 1991 Sandor again c32
!V However, you can slip something in here, that the Blight never
!V expected the Countermeasure to go down here (ties up with
!V Searching High and Low TITLE DONE (in more than one place, I think).
Laughter. "Oh, the Blight knows, too. I see this is what it feared all along. This is what killed it those aeons ago. It's racing forward now, but it's too late." The glow brightened; the mask of light that was Pham's face seemed to relax. "Something very ... far ... away has heard me, Rav. It's coming."
"What? What's coming?"
"The Surge. So big. It makes what hit us before seem a gentle wave. This is the one nobody believes, because no one's left to record it. The Bottom will be blown out beyond the fleet.
Sudden understanding. Sudden wild hope. "... And they'll be trapped out there, won't they?" So Kjet Svensndot had not fought in vain, and Pham's advice had not been nonsense: Now there wasn't a single ramscoop in the Blighter fleet.
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 30 ly in 1000y is 0.03c = 9000km/s
"Yes. They're thirty-light years out. We killed all the speed-capable ones. They'll be a thousand years getting here...." The artifact abruptly contracted, and Pham moaned. "Not much time. We're at maximum recession. When the surge comes, it will --" Again a sound of pain. "I can see it! By the Powers, Ravna, it will sweep high and last long."
"How high, Pham?" Ravna said softly. She thought of all the civilizations above them. There were the Butterflies and the treacherous types who supported the pogrom at Sjandra Kei.... And there were trillions who lived in peace and made their own way toward the heights.
Note
^ V April 13, 1991 previous sentence is sympathetic toward those trying
^ V for transcendence, it maybe INCON for Ravna to think.
!TUF:
!PRB REN Through most of the book, you use "fleet" to mean the Qeng Ho,
! but
! here at the end you are often using it to refer to the Blighter Fleet.
!IMP QU to leave things set up on Tines World and in local space generally
! so there is the widest possible set of options for local and global
! sequels SEQ.
!V PRB INCON following statement attributes more insight to Olsndots
!V than previously;
!V IMP you should work on it and connection with Prolog more
"A thousand light-years? Ten thousand? I'm not sure. The ghosts in Countermeasure -- Arne and Sjana thought it might rise so high it would punch into the Transcend, encyst the Blight right where it sits.... That must be what happened Before."
Arne and Sjana?
Note
!V definitely downplay "gray" (and even more, "smoky") in talking about
!V about the Countermeasure here. PRB collision with the description
!V of Pham's skin
The Countermeasure's writhing had slowed. Its light flickered bright and then out. Bright and then out. She heard Pham's breath gasp with every darkness. Countermeasure, a savior that was going to kill a million civilizations. And was killing the man who had triggered it.
Note
!V "evolving" may be a bad term for this
Almost unthinking, she dodged past the thing, reaching for Pham. But razors on razors blocked her, raking her arms.
Note
!V April 7, 1991 Put a sentence of two more here:
Pham was looking up at her. He was trying to say something more.
Then the light went out for a final time. From the darkness all around came a hissing sound and a growing, bitter smell that Ravna would never forget.
For Pham Nuwen, there was no pain. The last minutes of his life were beyond any description that might be rendered in the Slowness or even in the Beyond.
So try metaphor and simile: It was like ... it was like ... Pham stood with Old One on a vast and empty beach. Ravna and Tines were tiny creatures at their feet. Planets and stars were the grains of sand. And the sea had drawn briefly back, letting the brightness of thought reach here where before had been darkness. The Transcendence would be brief. At the horizon, the drawn-back sea was building, a dark wall higher than any mountain, rushing back upon them. He looked up at the enormity of it. Pham and godshatter and Countermeasure would not survive that submergence, not even separately. They had triggered catastrophe beyond mind, a vast section of the Galaxy plunged into Slowness, as deep as Old Earth itself, and as permanent.
Arne and Sjana and Straumers and Old One were avenged ... and Countermeasure was complete.
And as for Pham Nuwen? A tool made, and used, and now to be discarded. A man who never was.
The surge was upon him then, plunging depths. Down from the Transcendent light. Outside, the Tines' world sun would be shining bright once more, but inside Pham's mind everything was closing down, senses returning to what eyes can see and ears can hear. He felt Countermeasure slough toward nonexistence, its task done without ever a conscious thought. Old One's ghost hung on for a little longer, huddling and retreating as thought's potential ebbed. But it let Pham's awareness be. For once it did not push him aside. For once it was gentle, brushing at the surface of Pham's mind, as a human might pet a loyal dog.
More a brave wolf, you are, Pham Nuwen. There were only seconds left before they were fully in the depths, where the merged bodies of Countermeasure and Pham Nuwen would die forever and all thought cease. Memories shifted. The ghost of Old One stepped aside, revealing certainties it had hidden all along. Yes, I built you from several bodies in the junkyard by Relay. But there was only one mind and one set of memories that I could revive. A strong, brave wolf -- so strong I could never control you without first casting you into doubt....
Somewhere barriers slipped aside, the final failing of Old One's control, or His final gift. It did not matter which now, for whatever the ghost said, the truth was obvious to Pham Nuwen and he would not be denied:
Note
!V April 13, 1991 RETRO Wild Goose
Canberra, Cindi, the centuries avoyaging with Qeng Ho, the final flight of the Wild Goose. It was all real.
He looked up at Ravna. She had done so much. She had put up with so much. And even disbelieving, she had loved. It's okay. It's okay. He tried to reach out to her, to tell her. Oh, Ravna, I am real!
Then the full weight of the depths was upon him, and he knew no more.
There was more pounding on the door. She heard Pilgrim walk to the hatch. A crack of light shone in. Ravna heard Jefri's piping voice: "The sun is back! The sun is back!... Hei, why is it so dark in here?"
Pilgrim: "The artifact -- the thing Pham was helping -- its light went out."
"Geez, you mean you left off the main lights?" The hatch slid all the way open, and the boy's head, along with several puppies', was silhouetted against the torchlight beyond. He scrambled over the lip of the hatch. The girl was right behind him. "The control is right over here ... see?"
And soft white light shone on the curving walls. All was ordinary and human, except.... Jefri stood very still, his eyes wide, his hand over his mouth. He turned to hold onto his sister. "What is it? What is it?" his voice said from the opened hatch.
Now Ravna wished she could not see. She dropped back to her knees. "Pham?" she said softly, knowing there would be no answer. What was left of Pham Nuwen lay amid the Countermeasure. The artifact didn't glow any more. Its tortuous boundaries were blunted and dark. More than anything it looked like rotted wood.... but wood that embraced and impaled the man who lay with it. There was no blood, and no charring. Where the artifact had pierced Pham there was an ashy stain, and the flesh and the thing seemed to merge.
Pilgrim was close around her, his noses almost touching the still form. The bitter smell still hung in the air. It was the smell of death, but not the simple rotting of flesh; what had died here was flesh and something else.
She glanced at her wrist. The display had simplified to a few alphanumeric lines. No ultradrives could be detected. OOB status showed problems with attitude control. They were deep in the Slow Zone, out of reach of all help, out of reach of the Blight's fleet. She looked into Pham's face. "You did it, Pham. You really did it," she said the words softly, to herself.
Note
^ V June 19, 1991 Could have Greenstalk speak in the previous paragraph.
^ V June 19, 1991 tojrf: Still wish I could suppress this hope:
^ FRAG:
^
Johanna Olsndot stepped forward, stifled a gasp. "Maybe ...
^ there's still our cold sleep boxes. There were some empties."
^ The girl was already moving toward the hatch. "If any work it'll be
^ maybe a four hour cycle time." Jefri looked wildly at his sister and
^ then Pham and then his sister. He rushed out the hatch after her.
Note
!QU suggestions solicited for how to improve this death-bed scene.
!V I still haven't figured out plausible/effective way of introducing
!V (to the reader, at least) absolute knowledge that Pham's memories
!V of Canberra and his career in the Qeng Ho are for real.
!jrf2 Why can't he just say so -- that Old One really did take
!jrf2 him, brain whole and put body parts together, but he, the
!jrf2 essential PHam, had been who he's said he was
!
!V Another possibility would be to have most of this scene be
!V Pham point of view or even [gulp] godshatter point of view.
!jrf2 I think doing all as Ravna PoV is okay.
!V The weakness is the usual one of being inside a "godly" character.
!V But one strength of a Pham PoV
!V is that I could be clearer about explaining what happens.
!V (In some places, that might be a weakness too. Here I don't know.
!V As it is, is the ending still too unexplained? If I could give
!V straight-out explanation, I could probably make it seem less
!V ad hoc and less confusing.)
!V Then after success, he is
!V finally free (though soon to die as a side-effect of
!V Countermeasure's ceasing). And as he's dying and finally free,
!V the godshatter releases
!V the truth -- that Pham's memories are truth. Apparently this had
!V been withheld as part of the control structuring of the godshatter
!V [mumble mumble hand-waving]. Now it's revealed as a last kindness.
!V But now he's so far gone that he can't
!V say anything to Ravna. A last, poignant failure of communication.
!jrf2 Suggest leaving it as is, but do have him expire.
!
!V Separate issue:
!V One thing I have to decide is how irretrievable his death is. For
!V instance, I could easily revise this so there is no attempt
!V to pop the remains into cold sleep (Pham is consumed by the gray
!V fire of Countermeasure). I think a lot of readers get tired of
!V these superscience stories where death is always ho-hum because
!V the reader knows revival is possible.
!V One other virtue of the present version is that it doesn't seem
!V so malevolent
^ FRAG:
^
Johanna Olsndot had a coldbox ready in just under three hours.
^ It was the empty she had used on the flight in, and it seemed to be
^ in working condition even after nearly a year untouched.
The arches and loops of Countermeasure were a fragile, brittle thing now. The body of Pham Nuwen was part of that. How could they break those arches without breaking...? Pilgrim and Johanna gently urged Ravna out of the cargo hold. She didn't remember much of the next few minutes, of them bringing out the body. Blueshell and Pham, both gone beyond all retrieval.
Note
^ FRAG:
^ easing it into the
^ coldsleep box. Johanna went through the power up checkout. Ravna and
^ the boy stood close behind, watching, Amdi all around them. The girl's
^ face was carefully blank as she surveyed the status window on the side
^ of the box. But Jefri looked up at Ravna and was less able to
^ dissemble. "It's -- it's cooling down, okay. T-the drugs are going
^ okay." He grabbed her hand, the little boy trying to comfort the
^ grownup. "I think he was dead t-too long, Ravna."
^ V June 19, 1991 tojrf: Still an ugly suspicion: the author has already
^ V pulled one Power beyond the Powers rabbit out of the hat ...
^ V maybe he's going to betray us here too, and bring poor Pham back??
!V June 19, 1991 Since there is no other mention of the superpacks
!V in this version, I have to take them out.
^ Point rasied by bt:
^ Besides, while superpacks could probably be formed in the Transcend,
^ they would no doubt need some technical support (such as
^ wideband communication links) which is not present here.
^ FRAG:
!There were the strange superpacks that briefly formed
!while the sun was dim, and for a moment Tines' World kissed the
!Transcend.
^ V June 19, 1991 Really gotta bring in (at least mention) Greenstalk
^ V somewhere here (see possibility above).
^
Ravna just squeezed his hand back. She was vaguely grateful for
^ the effort and for all the comfort. But she had seen the body, seen
^ the way Countermeasure and human flesh had mixed. The diagnostics at
^ the top of the coldsleep box reported no pattern integrity: not even
^ a Power could recover what no longer existed.
They left her after a while. There was no lack of compassion, but disaster and strangeness and emergency were in too abundant a supply. There were the wounded. There was the possibility of counterattack. There was great confusion, and a desperate need for order. It made scarcely any impression on her. She was at the end of her long desperate run, at the end of all her energy.
Note
!V April 13, 1991 This conflicts with kid's chipperness a few
! paragraphs above (though consistent with the way he greets her).
! Also, to be consistent with this final paragraph and the discussion
! of superpacks, need to subdue Amdi, too.
Ravna must have sat by the ramp for much of the afternoon, so deep in loss as not to think, scarcely aware of the sea song that Greenstalk shared with her through the dataset. Eventually she realized she was not alone. Besides Greenstalk's comfort ... sometime earlier, the little boy had returned. He sat beside her, and around them all the puppies, all silent.
Note
!
!hld INCON refugee ship was previously described as hospital module with
!hld strapped-on drive.
!V I've deleted that reference from c01 March 3, 1991
!jrf Overall need to reduce "reality confusion" as much as possible,
!jrf since there is intrinsic reality confusion here aplenty.
^ jrf Would like
^ jrf foreshadowing in the form of affinity between Pham and Countermeasure
^ jrf Rav finally recognizes this talent with respect to Countermeasuer.