Note

!NÆH: V IMP Maybe the help that Ravna was asking for was that the 
!             Greater Pham make 
! a copy of his human self for the expedition's use 
! 
^ As they get real low in the Beyond, the natural language 
^  translators begin to take on the problems I see with such 
^  things in the Slow Zone. 

CHAPTER 22

"Pham?" He heard Ravna's voice just behind him. She had stayed on the bridge after the Riders left, departing on whatever meaningless preparations their meeting had ordained. He didn't reply, and after a moment she drifted around and blocked his view of the stars. Almost automatically, he found himself focussing on her face.

"Thank you for talking to us.... We need you more than ever."

He could still see lots of stars. They were all around her, slowly moving. Ravna cocked her head, the way she did when she meant friendly puzzlement. "We can help...."

He didn't answer. What had make him speak just now? Then: "You can't help the dead," he said, vaguely surprised at his own speaking. Like eye focussing, the speech must be a reflex.

"You're not dead. You're as alive as I am."

Then words tumbled from him; more than in all the days since Relay. "True. The illusion of self-awareness. Happy automatons, running on trivial programs. I'll bet you never guess. From the inside, how can you? From the outside, from Old One's view --" He looked away from her, dizzy with a doubled vision.

Ravna drifted closer till her face was just centimeters from his. She floated free, except for one foot tucked into the floor. "Dear Pham, you are wrong. You've been at the Bottom, and at the Top, but never in between. ... 'The illusion of self-awareness'? That's a commonplace of any practical philosophy in the Beyond. It has some beautiful consequences, and some scary ones. All you know are the scary ones. Think: the illusion must apply just as surely to the Powers."

Note

!NÆH: Could have Amdi sneak a message on revealing his enthusiasm for
! for the Beyond and the propect of merging.
!Also could have scene where Amdi explains this to Steel 
!V CHRON 5 day beard; check cron
!V June 13, 1991 I figure he's been out of surgeon 3days, so I guess
!V   5-day beard is okay

"No. He could make devices like you and I."

Note

!V June 8, 1991 "decency" overused (you used it in Ravna's description
!V   of Pham, too, I think). Twice "decency" is used by Ravna
!V in regard to Pham. Here, I've changed the word to "goodness"

"Being dead is a choice, Pham." She reached out to pass her hand down his shoulder and arm. He had a typical 0-gee change of perspective; "down" seemed to rotate sideways, and he was looking up at her. Suddenly he was aware of his splotchy beard, his tangled hair floating all about. He looked up at Ravna, remembering everything he'd thought about her. Back on Relay she'd seemed bright; maybe not smarter than he, but as smart as most competitors of the Qeng Ho. But there were other memories, how Old One had seen her. As usual, His memories were overwhelming; about this one woman, there was more insight than from all Pham's life experience. As usual, it was mostly unintelligible. Even His emotions were hard to interpret. But ... He had thought of Ravna a little like ... a favored dog. Old One could see right through her. Ravna Bergsndot was a little manipulative; He had been pleased/amused(?) by that fact. But behind her talk and argument, He'd seen a great deal of ... "goodness" might be the human word. Old One had wished her well. In the end, He had even tried to help. Insight flitted past him, too fast to catch. Ravna was talking again:

Note

!V grep for "surge" and make consistent INCON -- I think it's okay
!V   February 16, 1991  first in c22

"What happened to you is terrible enough, Pham, but it's happened to others. I've read of cases. Even the Powers are not immortal. Sometimes they fight among themselves, and someone gets killed. Sometimes, one commits suicide. There's a star system, Gods' Doom it's called in the story: A million years ago, it was in the Transcend. It was visited by a party of the Powers. There was a Zone surge. Suddenly the system was twenty light-years deep in the Beyond. That's about the biggest surge there is firm record of. The Powers at Gods' Doom didn't have a chance. They all died, some to rot and rusted ruin ... others to the level of mere human minds."

"W-what became of those?"

Note

!Contradicting what was attributed to Greenstalk (c21), there should 
! be some neurological damage 
!NÆH: Should say somewhere that he was tied down 

She hesitated, took one of his hands between hers. "You can look it up. The point is, it happens. To the victims, it's the end of the world. But from our side, the human side.... Well, the human Pham Nuwen was lucky; Greenstalk says the failure of Old One's connections didn't do gross organic damage. Maybe there's subtle damage; sometimes the remnants just destroy themselves, whatever is left."

Note

!jrf2 Clarify the second sentence: 

Pham felt tears leaking from his eyes. And knew that part of the deadness inside had been grief for His own death. "Subtle damage!" He shook his head and the tears drifted into the air. "My head is stuffed with Him, with His memories." Memories? They towered over everything else. Yet he could not understand them. He could not understand the details. He could not even understand the emotions, except as inane simplifications -- joy, laughter, wonder, fear and icy-steel determination. Now, he was lost in those memories, wandering like an idiot in a cathedral. Not understanding, cowering before icons.

She pivoted around their clasped hands. After a moment, her knee bumped gently against his. "You're still human, you still have your own --", her own voice broke as she saw the look in his eyes.

"My own memories?" Scattered amid the unintelligible he would stumble on them: himself at five years, sitting on the straw in the great hall, alert for the appearance of any adult; royals were not supposed to play in the filth. Ten years later, making love to Cindi for the first time. A year after that, seeing his first flying machine, the orbital ferry that landed on his father's parade field. The decades aspace. "Yes, the Qeng Ho. Pham Nuwen, the great Trader of the Slowness. All the memories are still there. And for all I know, it's all the Old One's lie, an afternoon's fraud to fool the Relayers."

Ravna bit her lip, but didn't say anything. She was too honest to lie, even now.

He reached with his free hand to brush her hair away from her face. "I know you said that too, Rav. Don't feel bad: I would have caught on by now anyway."

"Yeah," she said softly. Then she was looking him straight in the eye. "But know this. One human to another: You are a human now. And there could have been a Qeng Ho, and you could have been exactly what you remember. And whatever the past, you could be great in the future."

Ghostly echoes, more than memory and less than reason: For an instant he saw her with wiser eyes. She loves you, foolish one. Almost laughter, kindly laughter.

He slid his arms around her, drawing her tight against him. She was so real. He felt her slip her leg between his. To laugh. Like heart massage, unthinking reflex bringing a mind back to life. So foolish, so trivial, but, "I -- I want to come back." The words came out strangled in sobs. "There's so much inside me now, so much I can't understand. I'm lost inside my own head."

She didn't say anything, probably couldn't even understand his speech. For a moment, all he knew was the feel of her in his arms, hugging back. Oh please, I do want to come back.

Note

!jrf Re Pham: We get conflicting stories. How much personalitiy is 
!jrf Pham -- is it one personality or parts here and there, or what; very 
!jrf confusing now, too many versions. 
!PRB! Where to put the idea of jumpstarting Steel's technology.
! In a way, it should be obvious 
! to these guys (though you could have Pham Nuwen be the master of it). I 
! also want to make a fairly big thing of it, since it differentiates 
! the Flenser from the Woodcarver effort. 
! For now, I can't think where to put it, so I think I'll just assume 
! that I've done it. 
! 
!PRB Show inner workings of Sjandra Kei, hopefully without having 
! to introduce a new viewpoint 
! 
!PRB capitalization. I don't really want to cap godself, etc, but I do 
! want to use cap pronouns. 
!PRB How/where to introduce the one-time pad trick to talk to Shandra Kei 
! 
!Too prim? Too explicit? Too silly?  
!
!

Making it on the bridge of a starship was something Ravna had never done before. But then she'd never had her own starship before, either. They don't call this a bottom lugger for nothing. In the excitement, Pham lost his tiedown. They floated free, occasionally bumping into walls and discarded clothing, or drifting through tears. After many minutes, they ended up with their heads just a few centimeters off the floor, the rest of them angled off toward the ceiling. She was vaguely aware that her pants were flying like a banner from where they had caught on her ankle. The affair wasn't quite the stuff of romance fiction. For one thing, floating free you just couldn't get any leverage. For another.... Pham leaned back from her, relaxing his grip on her back. She brushed aside his red hair and looked into bloodshot eyes. "You know," he said shakily, "I never guessed I could cry so hard my face hurt."

Note

!CHK Have you ever used the preceding about crying before?     NÆH 
!V you might grep for it in Marooned in Real Time

She smiled back. "You've led a charmed life then." She arched her back against his hands, then drew him gently close. They floated in silence for several minutes, their bodies relaxing into each other's curves, sensing nothing but each other.

Then: "Thank you, Ravna."

"... my pleasure." Her voice came dreamy serious, and she hugged him tighter. Strange, all the things he had been to her, some frightening, some endearing, some enraging. And some she couldn't have admitted -- even to herself -- till now. For the first time since the fall of Relay, she felt real hope. A silly physical reaction maybe ... but maybe not. Here in her arms was a guy who might be the equal of any story book adventurer, and more: someone who had been part of a Power.

"Pham ... what do you think really happened back on Relay? Why was Old One murdered?"

Pham's chuckle seemed unforced, but his arms stiffened around her. "You're asking me? I was dying at the time, remember.... No, that's wrong. Old One, He was dying at the time." He was silent for a minute. The bridge turned slowly around them, silent views on the stars beyond. "My godself was in pain, I know that. He was desperate, panicked.... But He was also trying to do something to me before He died." His voice went soft, wondering. "Yes. It was like I was some cheap piece of luggage, and He was stuffing me with every piece of crap that he could move. You know, ten kilos in a nine kilo sack. He knew it was hurting me -- I was part of Him, after all -- but that didn't matter." He twisted back from her, his face getting a little wild again. "I'm not a sadist; I don't believe He was either. I --"

Ravna shook her head. "I ... I think he was downloading."

Pham was silent an instant, trying to fit the idea into his situation. "That doesn't makes sense. There's not room in me to be superhuman." Fear chased hope in tight circles.

"No, no, wait. You're right. Even if the dying Power figures reincarnation is possible, there's not enough space in a normal brain to store much. But Old One was trying for something else.... Remember how I begged Him to help with our trip to the Bottom?"

"Yes. I -- He -- was sympathetic, the way you might be with animals that are confronting some new predator. He never considered that the Perversion might be a threat to him, not until --"

"Right. Not until he was under attack. That was a complete surprise to the Powers; suddenly the Perversion was more than a curious problem for underminds. Then Old One really did try to help. He jammed plans and automation down into you. He jammed so much, you nearly died, so much you can't make sense of it. I've read about things like that in Applied Theology --" as much legend as fact. "Godshatter, it's called."

"Godshatter?" He seemed to play with the word, wondering. "What a strange name. I remember His panic. But if He was doing what you say, why didn't He just tell me? And if I'm filled with good advice, how come all I see inside is ..." his gaze became a little like days past, "darkness ... dark statues with sharp edges, crowding."

Again a long silence. But now she could almost feel Pham thinking. His arms twitched tight and an occasional shudder swept his body. "Yes ... yes. Lots of things fit. Most of it I still don't understand, never will. Old One discovered something right there at the end." His arms tightened again, and he buried his face against her neck. "It was a very ... personal ... sort of murder the Perversion committed on Him. Even dying, Old One learned." More silence. "The Perversion is something very old, Ravna. Probably billions of years. A threat Old One could only theorize before it actually killed Him. But ..."

Note

!V March 25, 1991 need some stuff here to make consistent with searching 
!V high and low and the rationale for attacking Relay and taking 
!V the suspicion off the Riders (but see also c25) 

One minute. Two. Yet Pham did not continue. "Don't worry, Pham. Give it time."

"Yeah." He backed off far enough to look her square in the face. "But I know this much now: Old One did this for a reason. We aren't on a fool's chase. There's something on the Bottom, in that Straumer ship, that Old One thought could make a difference."

Note

!V IMPER this fits with my new (c February 16, 1991 ) ideas about 
!V   how it should generally be accepted that he is a fake, with only  
!V   one purpose -- then at the end, he learns there could be other 
!V   purposes (a last gift, a gift of free will). 

He ran his hand lightly across her face, and his smile was sad where there should have been joy. "But don't you see, Ravna? If you're right, today may be the most human I'll ever be. I'm full of Old One's download, this godshatter. Most of it I'll never consciously understand, but if things work properly, it will eventually come exploding out. His remote device; His robot at the Bottom of the Beyond."

Note

!?V March 25, 1991  but cf your rewrite in c25 

No! But she made herself shrug. "Maybe. But you're human, and we're working for the same things.... and I'm not letting you go."

Note

!V Later scenes to introduce info about the Testament and his theories 
!V  about the Testament 
!There was only about a MB on Harmonious Repose in OOB. 
! and that was some 50 years old. They 
! hadn't got around to final data loading before the Fall. 
!IDEA: Printed by a ROM program: 
!"Help! I am stolen property. Please call ...." 

Ravna had known that "jumpstarting" technology must be a topic in the ship's library. It turned out the subject was a major academic specialty. Besides ten thousand case studies, there were customizing programs and lots of very dull-looking theory. Though the "rediscovery problem" was trivial in the Beyond, down in the Slow Zone almost every conceivable combination of events had happened. Civilizations in the Slowness could not last more than a few thousand years. Their collapse was sometimes a short eclipse, a few decades spent recovering from war or atmosphere-bashing. Others drove themselves back to medievalism. And of course, most races eventually exterminated themselves, at least within their single solar system. Those that didn't exterminate themselves (and even a few of those that did) eventually struggled back to their original heights.

The study of these variations was called the Applied History of Technology. Unfortunately for both academicians and the civilizations in the Slow Zone, true applications were a bit rare: The events of the case studies were centuries old before news of them reached the Beyond, and few researchers were willing to do field work in the Slow Zone, where finding and conducting a single experiment could cost them much of their lives. In any case, it was a nice hobby for millions of university departments. One of the favorite games was to devise minimal paths from a given level of technology back to the highest level that could be supported in the Slowness. The details depended on many things, including the initial level of primitiveness, the amount of residual scientific awareness (or tolerance), and the physical nature of the race. The historians' theories were captured in programs whose inputs were facts about the civilization's plight and the desired results, and whose outputs were the steps that would most quickly produce those results.

Note

!V CHRON INCON 100d 

Two days later, the four of them were back on the OOB's bridge. And this time we're all talking. "So we must decide what inventions to shoot for, something that will defend the Hidden Island Kingdom --"

"-- and something 'Mister Steel' can make in less than one hundred days," said Blueshell. He had spent most of the last two days fiddling with the development programs in OOB's library.

"I still say guns and radios," said Pham.

Firepower and communications. Ravna grinned at him. Pham's human memories alone would be enough to save the kids on Tines World. He hadn't talked any more of Old One's plans. Old One's plans ... in Ravna's mind those were something like fate, perhaps good, perhaps terrible, but unknown for now. And even fate can be weaseled. "How about it, Blueshell?" she said. "Is radio something they can produce quickly, from a standing start?" On Nyjora, radio had come almost contemporary with orbital flight -- a good century into the renaissance.

Note

^ V This timing for radio may be IMP BKG stuff
^   for any prequel there SEQ
!V March 23, 1991 INCON where is mention of gold (maybe part of the
!V solar cells) TUF (Blueshell can't know everything) June 11, 1991 

"Indeed, My Lady Ravna. There are simple tricks that are almost never noticed till a very high technology is attained. For instance, quantum torsion antennas can be built from silver and cobalt steel arrays, if the geometry is correct. Unfortunately, finding the proper geometry involves lots of theory and the ability to solve some large partial differential equations. There are many Slow Zoners who never discover the principle."

Note

!V CHKd referent 

"Okay," said Pham. "But there's still a translation problem. Jefri has probably heard the word 'cobalt' before, but how can he describe it to people who don't have the referent? Without knowing a lot more about their world, we couldn't even describe how to find cobalt- bearing ore."

"That will slow things down," Blueshell admitted. "But the program accounts for it. Mr. Steel seems to understand the concept of experimentation. For cobalt, we can provide him with a tree of experiments based on descriptions of likely ores and appropriate chemical tests."

"It's not quite that simple," said Greenstalk. "Some of the chemical tests themselves involve search/test trees. And there are other experiments needed to check toxicity. We know far less about the pack creatures than is usual with this program."

Pham smiled. "I hope these creatures are properly grateful; I never heard of 'quantum torsional antennas'. The Tines are ending up with comm gear that Qeng Ho never had."

But the gift could be made. The question was, could it be done in time to save Jefri and his ship from the Woodcarvers? The four of them ran the program again and again. They knew so little about the pack creatures themselves. The Hidden Island Kingdom appeared fairly flexible. If they were willing to go all out to follow the directions, and if they had good luck in finding nearby sources for critical materials, then it looked like they might have limited supplies of firearms and radios inside of one hundred days. On the other hand, if the packs of Hidden Island ended up chasing down some worst-case branches of the search trees, things might stretch out to a few years.

Ravna found it hard to accept that no matter what the four of them did, saving Jefri from the Woodcarvers would be partly a matter of luck. Sigh. In the end, she took the best scheme the Riders could produce, translated it into simple Samnorsk, and sent it down.

Note

!V IMP The voyage of the OOB takes months. Unfortunately, 
!V the on-board scenes seem quite jammed together. 
!V In fact, the scene just completed must have happened within a couple 
!V of weeks of leaving Relay. 
!V I think a sizable hunk of time must pass between now and their 
!V arriving at RIP. I intend to insert a page or two here about that, 
!V and hopefully showing something of the evolving relationships. 
!V The tag: "Lost Time" (or "Lost Time 1").
!jrf2 good idea 
!V (There is another such insert after their departure from RIP. I call
!V call that "Lost Time 2".)
!              
!V: 
!Retrowrite reference to Woodcarver into Ravna subplot 
!V   mentioned now in c16 "evil Woodcarvers" 
!V Steel doesn't hide his name, but should be able to avoid the 
!V name Flenser 
!V    "Flensers" (plural) is in c25, but I think that's okay 
!PRB Be consistent; how can Steel and Flenser prevent their names 
! being used by Amdijefri (instead of the more innocuous "Hidden 
! Island Kingdom" -- DON'T TRY