Note
!?V Amdi Jefri referenced
!V considering making this part of the preceding chapter or to the
!V beginning of the following one!
!V |||||||||||||| yes (14Jan91 ) and this
!V would get around most of the weakness I perceive in the end of this
!V chapter
!V IMP
!V Unfortunately, you'd have to set up the grief more, but I think
!V you have to do that more anyway
-=*=-
CHAPTER 14
Note
!mARK 15Jun89
!?INCON? Does this contradict earlier scene?
!PRO RETRO "Straumli songbirds" QU
Sometimes Mom used to say that something was "more fun than a barrel full of puppies." Jefri Olsndot had never had more than one pet at a time, and only once had that been a dog. But now he understood what she meant. From the very first day, even when he had been so tired and scared, he had been entranced by the eight puppies. And they by him. They were all over him, pulling at his clothes, unfastening his shoes, sitting on his lap, or just running around him. Three or four were always staring at him. Their eyes were completely brown or pink, and seemed large for their heads. From the beginning the puppies had mimicked him. They were better than Straumli songbirds; anything he said, they could echo -- or play back later. And when he cried, often the puppies would cry too, and cuddle around him.
There were other dogs, big ones that wore clothes and entered the room through doorways high up on the walls. They lowered food into the room, sometimes making strange noises. But the food tasted awful, and they didn't respond to Jefri's screaming even by mimicking him.
Note
!jrf ||||||||||what kind of fastener is this?
!V why is more detail needed?
!jrf2 Because I don't understand the physical nature of shoe "latches".
!jrf2 It stops me, and understanding the mechanism would satisfy
!jrf2 my (reader's) curiosity. ("Latches" suggest more primitive,
!jrf2 Victorian mechanism, not future-advance technology.)
!pRO write "red stripes" probably Steel
Two days had passed, then a week. Jefri had investigated everything in the room. It wasn't really a dungeon; it was too big. And besides, prisoners don't get pets. He understood that this world was uncivilized, not part of the Realm, perhaps not even on the Net. If Mom or Dad or Johanna weren't nearby, it was possible that there was no one here to teach the dogs to speak Samnorsk! Then it would be up to Jefri Olsndot to teach the dogs and find his family. Now when the white-jacketed dogs came onto the corner balconies, Jefri shouted questions at them. It didn't help very much. Even the one with red stripes didn't respond. But the puppies did! They shouted right along with Jefri, sometimes echoing his words, sometimes making nonsense sounds.
Note
!jrf2 signaling?
!CHKd sp signaling
It didn't take Jefri long to realize that the puppies were driven by a single mind. When they ran around him, some would always sit a little way off, their graceful necks arching this way and that -- and the runners seemed to know exactly what the others saw. He couldn't hide things behind his back if there was even one of them to alert the others. For a while he thought they were somehow talking to each other. But it was more than that: when he watched them unfasten his shoes or draw a picture -- the heads and mouths and paws cooperated so perfectly, like the fingers on a person's hands. Jefri didn't reason things out so explicitly; but over a period of days he came to think of all the puppies together as a single friend. At the same time he noticed that the puppies was mixing up his words -- and sometimes making new meanings.
"You me play." The words came out like a cheap voice splice, but they generally preceded a mad game of tag all around the furniture.
Note
!iNCON perhaps with Jefri's first observation of stick drawings in this
! room
! In the earlier reference, Jefri says the figures are like those drawn
!by "little kids", presumably younger than he is
"You me picture." The slate board covered the lowest meter of the wall, all around the room. It was a display device like Jefri had never seen in his life: dirty, imprecise, imperfectly deletable, unstorable. Jefri loved it. His face and hands, and most of Puppies' lips, got covered with chalk stains. They drew each other, and themselves. Puppies didn't draw neat pictures like Jefri's; Puppies' dog figures had big heads and paws, with the bodies all smudged together. When he drew Jefri, the hands were always big, each finger carefully drawn.
Jefri drew his family and tried to make Puppies understand.
Note
!mARK 16Jun89
!TITLE Descent from Chaos
!CHKd sp art work [artwork not present]
!jrf ||||||||??
!IMP PRB This is a weak final paragraph for the scene
!jrf Yes.
!The triangle thing is a bad red herring, but omitting it would make the
!paragraph even weaker (see the discussion of moving the chapter boundary)
Day by day, the sunlight circled higher on the walls. Sometimes the room was dark now. At least once a day, packs came to talk to Puppies. This was one of the few things which could pull the little ones away from Jefri. Puppies would sit below the balconies, screeching and croaking at the adults. It was a school class! They'd lower scrolls for him to look at, and retrieve ones he had marked.
Jefri sat quietly and watched the lessons. He fidgeted, but he didn't shout at the teachers anymore. Just a little longer, and he and Puppies would really be talking. Just a little longer and Puppies could find out for him where Mom and Dad and Johanna were.
Note
!V I intend to revise the preceding paragraph to center it on Jefri's
!V incapacitation grief and to segue into the next scene
!jrf2 good idea!
!V this may also require some small rephrasings in the next file
!V What I'm told about a child Jefri's age with such grief: 20Jan91
!V (I don't think this is all for the same kid)
!V Spacey
!V Attention demanding (though very withdrawn is possible)
!V Disobeying
!V Crying and crying (not real loud)
!V Not looking at people he talks to
Note
!V MERGED this CHAPTER with the preceding short one
^ V so you may want to put a note to copyeditor here, if there
^ V was an accidental page break
Note
!ID Consider moving chapter beginnings down more to the beginning of the
! page and centering the chapter number
!iD Maybe the beginning of Chapter 12 should be moved to here?
!NÆH ID Consider a taken name for Amdi: Reckoner? Reckner? Mathpack? Math?
! Mather ID In later parts of story, might be mistaken for a dataset?
!--> V Probably, he doesn't have a taken name
!qU do I need to make it more obvious the lie in the following paragraph?
^ QU PLOT At the end of last (preceding?) Steel scene I want it to be that he
^ knows humans
^ are packless, does not expect an invasion, and has not yet begun to
^ entertain interstellar ambitions. I think this is okay, especially if
^ if this scene ends with surprise notice that more may come
!mARK
Sometimes terror and pain are not the best levers; deception, when it works, is the most elegant and the least expensive manipulation of all. Once Amdiranifani was fluent in the mantis language, Steel had him explain about the "tragic death" of Jefri's parents and brood-sibling. The Flenser Fragment had argued against it, but Steel wanted quick and unquestioned control.
Now it seemed that the Fragment might have been right; at least he should have held out the hope that the brood-sibling lived. Steel looked solemnly at the Amdiranifani Experiment. "How can we help?"
Note
!V PRB with this usage
The young pack looked up trustingly. "Jefri is so terribly upset about his parents and sister." Amdiranifani was using mantis words a lot, often unnecessarily: sister instead of brood-sibling. "He hasn't been eating much. He doesn't want to play. It makes me very sad."
Note
!V I think this is okay now (February 10, 1991 ):
!BKG I assume that lamps are used indoors where not a lot of light is
! needed
!V |||||
!V candles
!!! and there is special concern about long burning and fire hazard
!V So this is INCON with use of "torches" earlier?
!V grep candle torch lamp
!V February 10, 1991 : lamp not used,
!V torch used in c13 as mobile light source
!V in c15, c20 external lighting
!V in c37 wick torches mentioned for
!V lighting within the new castle
!V candle used in c15 for lighting within Steel's
!V den.
!
!
^ QU Is all this introspection in Steel too repetitive?
!V June 2, 1991 CHKd that "sister" is properly used thoughout
Steel kept watch on the far balcony. The Flenser Fragment was there. It was not hiding, though most of its faces were out of the candlelight. So far its insights had been extraordinary. But the Fragment's stare was like old times, when a mistake could mean mutilation or worse. So be it. The stakes were higher now than ever before; if fear at Steel's throats could help him succeed, he welcomed it. He looked away from the balcony, and brought all his faces to an expression of tender sympathy for poor Jefri's plight. "You just have to make it -- him -- understand. No one can bring his parents or sister back to life. But we know who the murderers are. We're doing everything we can to defend against them. Tell him how hard this is. Woodcarvers is an empire that has lasted hundreds of years. In a fight, we are no match for them. That's why we need all the help he can give us. We need him to teach us to use his parents' ship."
Note
!mARK 17Jun89
The puppy pack lowered a head. "Yes. I'll try, but ..." The three members by Jefri made low-pitched grunting noises at it. The mantis sat head bowed; it held its tentacled paws across its eyes. The creature had been like this for several days, and the withdrawal was getting worse. Now it shook its head violently, made sharp noises a little higher pitched than its normal register.
"Jefri says he doesn't understand how things work in the ship. He's just a little ..." the pack searched for a translation. " ... he is really very young. You know, like me."
Note
!CHKd sp weird
Steel nodded understandingly. It was an obvious consequence of the aliens' singleton nature, but weird even so: Every one of them started out all a puppy. Every one of them was like Steel's puppy-pack experiments. Parental knowledge was transmitted by the equivalent of interpack speech. That made the creature easy to dupe, but it was a damned inconvenience now. "Still, if there's anything he can help explain."
Note
!PRO RETRO BKG "slugs in the forest" perhaps they are like sloths
!mARK 17Jun89
More grunting from the mantis. Steel should learn that language. The sounds were easy; these pitiful creatures used their mouths to talk, like a bird or a forest slug. For now he depended on Amdiranifani. For now that was okay; the puppy pack trusted him. Another piece of serendipity. With a few of his recent experiments, Steel had tried love in place of Flenser's original terror/love combination; there had been a slim chance that it might be superior. By great good luck Amdiranifani fell into the love group. Even his instructors had avoided negative reinforcement. The pack would believe anything he said ... and so, Steel hoped, would the mantis.
Note
!CHK this makes childxxx a foreign word in Tinish. Go through and check
! that it is properly used everywhere
! NÆH IMP ID "adoption" could be the term I use for bringing in a puppy?
!
!QU Do you think that Amdi might translate "Lord" into Samnorsk as
! "Mister"?
!V Yes, but you should be consistent with other softenings then
Amdiranifani translated: "There is something else; he has asked me about it before. Jefri knows how to wake the other children --" the word literally meant "pack of puppies", "-- on the ship. You look surprised, my lord Steel?"
Note
!QU PRB You have not explicitly showed him fearing this before. In the
! scene with Steel aboard the ship, it is possible that he doesn't know
! Jefri is a pack-equivalent intelligence. An alternative would be to have
! him refer to his fear of breeder invasion
!V I think this is okay now January 14, 1991
!PRB Make it properly clear elsewhere that Jefri is just a finicky eater
! Perhaps this could be done showing Johanna eating with gusto, or even
! having a human reference to Jefri being a finicky eater
Even though he no longer dreamed in terror of monster minds, Steel would just as soon not have a hundred more aliens running around. "I hadn't realized they could be wakened so easily.... But we shouldn't do it right now. We're having trouble finding food that Jefri can eat." That was true; the creature was an incredibly finicky eater. "I don't think we could feed any more right now."
More grunting. More sharp cries from Jefri. Finally, "There is one other thing, my lord. Jefri thinks it may be possible to use the ship's ultrawave to call for help from others like his parents."
Note
!INCON? that he says he can be cooler than this fragment?
!ID This might be a place to use the term "loose pack"
! Note that Steel is not a loose pack because he was not made from
! adult members jammed together
The Flenser Fragment jerked out of the shadows. A pair of heads looked down at the mantis, while another stared meaningfully at Steel. Steel didn't react; he could be cooler than any loose pack. "That's something to think about. Perhaps you and Jefri could talk more about it. I don't want to try it till we're sure we won't hurt the ship." That was weak. He saw the Fragment twitch a muzzle in amusement.
As he spoke, Amdiranifani was translating. Jefri responded almost immediately.
"Oh, that's okay. He meant a special call. Jefri says the ship has been signaling ... all by itself ... ever since it landed."
And Steel wondered if he had ever heard a deadly threat uttered in such sweet innocence.
Note
!BKG QU Amdi has to be less than 5 years old, but is 3 too short to be
! credible? Or if you can't plausibly solve it, maybe you just shouldn't
! mention the age <-- 4 years in CHRON file as of February 10, 1991
!
!PRB this scene is sort of a combo Amdi/Jefri viewpoint, so there is
! some problem in using Mr (though still justified in theory, I think)
! Actually, there are several non-Tinish words in this scene: human, Mr.,
! hands, boy, boat, radio, commset, ultrawave, Amdi
They began letting Amdi and Jefri outside to play. Beforehand Amdi was nervous about going out. He was unused to wearing clothes. His whole life -- all four years of it -- had been spent in that one big room. He read about the outside and was curious about it, yet he was also a little afraid. But the human boy seemed to want it. Every day he'd been more withdrawn, his crying softer. Mostly he was crying for his parents or sister, but sometimes he cried about being locked up so deep away.
Note
!CHKd sp courtyard
!BKG INCON Is there grass on Navnløs? I've decided not in Northwest, but
! perhaps elsewhere 03Feb91
!PRB Too bad you can't work in standing on shoulders here
!CHK "uptight" isn't in my webster
!jrf <he circles it below>
So Amdi had talked to Mr. Steel, and now they got out almost every day, at least to an inner courtyard. At first, Jefri just sat, not really looking around. But Amdi discovered that he loved the outdoors, and every time he got his friend to play a little more.
Note
^ V CHK the height claim made in the next paragraph
Packs of teachers and guards stood at the corners of the yellowing moss and watched. Amdi -- and eventually Jefri -- got a big kick out of harassing them. They hadn't realized it down in the room, where visitors came at the balconies, but most adults were nervous around Jefri. The boy was half again as tall as a normally standing pack member. When he came close, the average pack would clump together and edge away. They didn't like having to look up at him. It was silly, Amdi thought. Jefri was so tall and skinny, he looked like he might topple over at any moment. And when he ran it was like he was wildly trying to recover from a fall and never quite succeeding. So Amdi's favorite game those first days was tag. Whenever he was the chaser, he contrived to run Jefri right through the most prim looking whitejackets. If he and Jefri did it right they could turn the tag into a three-way event, Amdi chasing Jefri and a whitejackets racing to stay away from both of them.
Sometimes he felt sorry for the guards and whitejackets. They were so stiff and grownup. Didn't they understand how much fun it was to have a friend that you walk right next to, that you could actually touch?
It was mostly night now. Daylight hovered for a few hours around noon. The twilight before and after was bright enough to dim the stars and aurora, but still too faint to show colors. Though Amdi had spent his life indoors, he understood the geometry of the situation, and liked to watch the change of light. Jefri didn't much like the dark of winter ... until the first snow fell.
Note
!INCON BKG How much do Tines use clothes for warmth (there is at least
! the scene where Tyra appears to be using jackets for warmth)
!V BKG
!V They don't need them as much as humans, but they do wear them:
!V for warmth
!V protection from wind, sun, rain
!V for loops and handles and pockets
!V for show
!V CHK great cloaks with other usage (c13 and later with
!V the radio cloaks)
Amdi got his first set of jackets. And Mr. Steel had special clothes made for the human boy, big puffy things that covered his whole body and kept him warmer than a good pelt would have done.
On one side of the courtyard the snow was just six inches deep, but elsewhere it piled into drifts higher than Amdi's head. Torches were mounted in wind shields on the walls; their light glittered golden off the snow. Amdi knew about snow -- but he'd never seen it before. He loved to splash it on one of his jackets. He would stare and stare, trying to see the snowflakes without his breath melting them. The hexagonal pattern was tantalizing, just at the limit of his vision.
Note
!INCON two-legs two legs Twolegs Two Legs Two-Legs Two-legs yecco
! I guess I'll go with Two-Legs
But tag was no fun anymore; the human could run through drifts that left Amdi swimming in the white stuff. There were other things the human could do, wonderful things. He could make balls of snow and throw them. The guards were very upset by this, especially when Jefri plinked a few members. It was the first time he ever saw them get angry.
Note
!CHKd sp snowdrift
Amdi raced around the windswept side of the courtyard, dodging snowballs and keening frustration. Human hands were such wicked, wicked things. How he would love to have a pair -- four pairs! He circled round from three sides and sprinted right at the human. Jefri backed quickly into deeper snow, but too late. Amdi hit him high and low, tipping the Two-Legs over into a snowdrift. There was a mock battle, slashing lips and paws against Jefri's hands and feet. But now Amdi was on top. The human got paid back for his snowballs with plenty of snow stuffed down the back of his jacket.
Sometimes they just sat and watched the sky for so long that rumps and paws went numb. Sitting behind the largest snow drift, they were shaded from the castle torches and had a clear view of the lights in the sky.
At first Amdi had been entranced by the aurora. Even some of his teachers were. They said this part of the world was one of the best places to see the sky glow. Sometimes it was so faint that the torchlight glimmering off the snow was enough to blot it out. Other times it ran from horizon to horizon: green light trimmed with hints of pink, twisting as though ruffled by a slow wind.
He and Jefri could talk very easily now, though always in Jefri's language. The human couldn't make many of the sounds of interpack speech; even his pronunciation of Amdi's name was a scarcely recognizable. But Amdi understood Samnorsk pretty well; it was fun, their own secret language.
Jefri was not especially impressed by the aurora. "We have that lots at home. It's just light from --" He said a new word, and glanced at Amdi. It was funny how the human couldn't look in more than one place at time. His eyes and head were always moving. "-- you know, places where people make things. I think the gas and waste leaks out, and then the sun lights it up or it gets --" unintelligible.
Note
!PRB There is a subtle misconception here about aurora -- subtle enough
! that it might be blamed on the author's ignorance!
"Places where people make things?" In the sky? Amdi had a globe; he knew the size of the world and its orientation. If the aurora were reflecting sunlight, it must be hundreds of miles above the ground! Amdi leaned a back against Jefri's jacket and made a very human whistling sound. His knowledge of geography was not up to his geometry, but, "The packs don't work in the sky, Jefri. We don't even have flying boats."
"Uh, that's right, you don't.... I don't know what that stuff is then. But I don't like it. It gets in the way of the stars." Amdi knew all about the stars; Jefri had told him. Somewhere out there were the friends of Jefri's parents.
Jefri was silent for several minutes. He wasn't looking at the sky anymore. Amdi wriggled a little closer, watching the shifting light in the sky. Behind them the wind-sharpened crest of the drift was edged with yellow light from the torches. Amdi could imagine what the other was thinking. "The commsets from the boat, they really aren't good enough to call for help?"
Note
!INCON Mr. v Lord See my comments above about Amdi's translation. The
! main thing is to make it clear/plausible to the reader
! (Tyrathect or Steel commenting on the apparent irony of the Amdi's
! translation; done right and incorporated smoothly, this could be cute)
!V But they couldn't really know
!V CHK decide if he should be "almost eight" NO
Jefri slapped the ground. "No! I told you. They're just radio. I think I can make them work, but what's the use? The ultrawave stuff is still on the boat and it's too big to move. I just don't understand why Mr. Steel won't let me go aboard.... I'm eight years old, you know. I could figure it out. Mom had it all set up before, before ..." His words guttered into the familiar, despairing silence.
Amdi rubbed a head against Jefri's shoulder. He had a theory about Mr. Steel's reluctance. It was an explanation he hadn't told Jefri before: "Maybe he's afraid you'll just fly away and leave us."
"That's stupid! I'd never leave you. Besides, that boat is real hard to fly. It was never meant to land on a world."
Note
!QU Is this too much like the scene near the beginning of PW with Wili?
^ AWK
Jefri said the strangest things; sometimes Amdi was just misunderstanding -- but sometimes they were literal truth. Did the humans really have ships that never came to ground? Where did they go then? Amdi could almost feel new scales of reference clicking together in his mind. Mr. Steel's geography globe represented not the world, but something very, very small in the true scheme of things.
"I know you wouldn't leave us. But you can see how Mr. Steel might be afraid. He can't even talk to you except through me. We have to show him that we can be trusted."
"I guess."
Note
!ID In final version, you may want to use the word "commset" more instead
! of radio, so as to have the least collision with the notion of
! "radio cloak" NO TIME
!V actually, as of 10Feb91, commset is used in only one
!V other chapter (c37), so in fact, you might elect to remove some
!V of the references to the term in this chapter (there's also commnet
!V in c10
"If you and I could get the radios working, that might help. I know my teachers haven't figured them out. Mr. Steel has one, but I don't think he understands it either."
Note
!PRB Really a bit implausible that the kids have possession of one of the
! radios. QU How many are there? -- two
!V I think this implausibility has been fixed
"Yeah. If we could get the other one to work..."
That afternoon the guards got a break: their two charges came in from the cold early. The guards didn't question their good fortune.
Note
!PRB PRO RETRO If the word choir isn't clear (preferably before now), you
! should consider deleting it from here. ID could have Woodcarver use the
! term when she tells Scrupilo and Scriber to back off when they are
! investigating the dataset <-- DONE
^ AWK repetition of "except"?
Steel's den had originally been the Master's. It was very different from the castle's meeting halls. Except for choirs, only a single pack would fit in any room. It was not exactly that the suite was small. There were five rooms, not counting the bath. But except for the library, none was more than fifteen feet across. The ceilings were low, less than five feet; there was no space for visitor balconies. Servants were always on call in the two hallways that shared a wall with the quarters. The dining room, bedroom, and bath had servant hatches, just big enough to give orders and to receive food and drink, or preening oils.
Note
!BKG ID Could use the word "hatch" for the doors that are one member wide
!V Yes that's what I'm doing (February 10, 1991 ) except that now
!V there are collisions with the spacer term "hatch" (in some cases
!V very appropriate collisions, however)
The main entrance was guarded on the outside by three trooper packs. Of course, the Master would never live in a den with only one exit. Steel had found eight secret hatches (three in the sleeping quarters). These could only be opened from within; they led to the maze that Flenser had built within the solid rock of the castle's walls. No one knew the extent of that maze, not even the Master. Steel had rearranged parts of it -- in particular the passages leading from this den -- in the years since Flenser's departure.
Note
!mARK 17Jun89
!PRB I really do want a place to proclaim the heating tech superiority
! of Flensers TUF June 12, 1991
!jdv p217 How do the Tines have sex have babies?
!jdv Most of this is answered later but would be good to clarify
!jdv earlier
!jdv Incest: culling not really possible for Woodcarver <-- IMP SOLN,
!V though it may not have to be said out loud
The quarters were nearly impregnable. Even if the castle fell, the rooms' larder was stocked for half a year; ventilation was provided by a network of channels almost as extensive as the Master's secret passages. All in all, Steel felt tolerably safe here. There was always the possibility that there were more than eight secret entrances, perhaps one that could be opened from the other side.
And of course choirs were out of the question, here or anywhere. The only extrapack sex that Steel indulged was with singletons -- and that as part of his experiments; it was just too dangerous to mix one's self with others.
After dinner, Steel drifted into the library. He relaxed around his reading desk. Two of him sipped brandy while another smoked southern herbs. This was pleasure, but also calculation: Steel knew just what vices, applied to just which members, would raise his imagination to its keenest pitch.
Note
!IMP INCON 4? 2? decide
!V 2
!V INCON PRB also why they didn't make military use of it?
!V Maybe Steel destroyed his
!General PRB monotone anxiety. I think I've eased this, by giving a
! progression to his specific concerns
!V existence of mantis definitely shows there are things that really
!V look like insects commonly known in this part of the world INCON
... And more and more he was coming to see that imagination was at least as important as raw intelligence in the present game. The desk between him was covered with maps, reports from the south, internal security memos. But lying in all the silkpaper, like an ivory slug in its nest, was the alien radio. They had recovered two from the ship. Steel picked the thing up, ran a nose along the smooth, curved sides. Only the finest stressed wood could match its grace -- and that in musical instruments or statuary. Yet the mantis claimed this could be used to talk across dozens of miles, as fast as a ray of sunlight. If true ... Steel wondered how many lost battles might have been won with these, and how many new conquests might be safely undertaken. And if they could learn to make far-talkers ... the Movement's subordinates, scattered across the continent, would be as near as the guards by Steel's den. No force in the world could stand against them.
Note
!V ID SOLN Might be that somehow Tyrathect had let the kids have the
!V other radio -- I think I mentioned that later
^ Might shorten this paragraph
!CHK Make sure that you have made it clear he has Woodcarvers infiltrated
!QU Is it okay not to have Steel know about the existence of other
! type of alien races? For how long? It does seem to me that
! Woodcarvers people should know quite early
!RETRO reason why boat's computer not helpful (or even working)
^ page 193, INSERT M [not a separate paragraph]:
Steel picked up the latest report from Woodcarvers. In many ways they were having more success with their mantis than Steel with his. Apparently theirs was almost an adult. More important, it had a miraculous library that could be interrogated almost like a living being. There had been three other datasets. Steel's whitejackets had found what was left of them in the burnt-out wreckage around the ship. Jefri thought that the ship's processors were a little like a dataset, "only stupider" (Amdi's best translation), but so far the processors had been useless.
But with their dataset, several on Woodcarver's staff had already learned mantis talk. Each day they discovered more about the aliens' civilization than Steel's people could in ten. He smiled. They didn't know that all the important stuff was being faithfully reported to Hidden Island.... For now he would let them keep their toy, and their mantis; they had noticed several things that would have slipped by him. Still he damned the luck.
Note
^ Jefri said his parents had similar
^ datasets. Steel's whitejackets had found what was left of them in
^ the burnt out junk around the ship. Jefri also claimed that the ship's
^ computer was in some ways better than a dataset, but so far it
^ seemed dead too.
^ PRB QU is there too much repetition of Steel's galactic aims?
! In any case, should probably be more carefully paced a development
!PRO RETRO the stuff about manicures -- perhaps in reference to
!V Vendacious's claws NÆH June 12, 1991
!QU PRO RETRO note capitalization of People
!qU is the italicization of tines going to make people think that it
! is a foreign word?
!QU Is the progression of Steel's attitudes working now?
!PRB TUF The implication is that this scene is very shortly after Jefri's
! revelation about the distress signal, yet the scenes in between about
! Jefri and Amdi in the courtyard seem to cover quite a bit of time
Steel paged through the report.... Good. The alien at Woodcarvers was still uncooperative. He felt his smile spreading into laughter: it was a small thing, the creature's word for the Packs. The report tried to spell out the word. It didn't matter; the translation was "claws" or "tines". The mantis had a special horror for the tine attachments that soldiers wore on their forepaws. Steel licked pensively at the black enamel of his manicured claws. Interesting. Claws could be threatening things, but they were also part of being a person. Tines were their mechanical extension, and potentially more frightening. It was the sort of name you might imagine for an elite killer force ... but never for all the Packs. After all, the race of packs included the weak, the poor, the kindly, the naive ... as well as persons like Steel and Flenser. It said something very interesting about mantis psychology that the creature picked tines as the characterizing feature of the Packs.
Steel eased back from his desk and gazed at the landscape painted around the library's walls. It was a view from the castle towers. Behind the paint, the walls were lined with patterns of mica and quartz and fiber; the echoes gave a vague sense of what you might hear looking out across the stone and emptiness. Combination audiovisuals were rare in the castle, and this one was especially well-done; Steel could feel himself relaxing as he stared at it. He drifted for a moment, letting his imagination roam.
Tines. I like it. If that was the alien's image, then it was the right name for his race. His pitiful advisors -- and sometimes even the Flenser Fragment -- were still intimidated by the ship from the stars. No question, there was power in that ship beyond anything in the world. But after the first panic, Steel understood that the aliens were not supernaturally gifted. They had simply progressed -- in the sense that Woodcarver made so much of -- beyond the current state of his world's science. Certainly the alien civilization was a deadly unknown right now. Indeed, it might be capable of burning this world to a cinder. Yet the more Steel saw, the more he realized the intrinsic inferiority of the aliens: What a bizarre abortion they were, a race of intelligent singletons. Every one of them must be raised from nothing, like a wholly newborn pack. Memories could only be passed by voice and writing. Each creature grew and aged and even died as a whole. Despite himself, Steel shivered.
Note
!jrf2 Make "Servants" lower case in this paragraph NO
He had come a long way from the first misconceptions, the first fears. For more than a thirty days now he'd been scheming to use the star ship to rule the world. The mantis said that ship was signaling others. That had reduced some of his Servants to incontinence. So. Sooner or later, more ships would arrive. Ruling the world was no longer a practical goal.... It was time to aim higher, at goals even the Master had never imagined. Take away their technical advantages and the mantis folk were such finite, fragile beings. They should be easy to conquer. Even they seemed to realize this. Tines, the creature calls us. So it will be. Some day Tines would pace between the stars and rule there.
Note
!iNCON again with the live birth in 13.txt
But in the years till then, life would be very dangerous. Like a newborn pup, all their potential could be destroyed by one small blow. The Movement's survival -- the world's survival -- would depend upon superior intelligence, imagination, discipline, and treachery. Fortunately, those had always been Steel's great strengths.
Note
!CHKd sp bloodline
!PRB Seems a little illogical here to blame Jefri but not Amdi for
! not getting the radios to work
Steel dreamed in the candlelight and haze.... Intelligence, imagination, discipline, treachery. Done right ... could the aliens be persuaded to eliminate all of Steel's enemies ... and then bare their throats to him? It was daring, almost beyond reason, but there might be a way. Jefri claimed he could operate the ship's signaler. By himself? Steel doubted it. The alien was thoroughly duped, but not especially competent. Amdiranifani was a different story. He was showing all the genius of his bloodlines. And the principles of loyalty and sacrifice his teachers drilled into him had taken hold, though he was a bit ... playful. His obedience didn't have the sharp edge that fear could bring. No matter. As a tool he was useful beyond all others. Amdiranifani understood Jefri, and seemed to understand the alien artifacts even better than the mantis did.
The risk must be taken. He would let the two aboard the ship. They would send his message in place of the automatic distress signal. And what should that first message be? Word for word, it would be the most important, most dangerous thing any pack had ever said.
Note
!iNCON depths?
!mARK 17Jun89
!PRO RETRO this use of "wing"
!V INCON that they have such easy access. Actually, I think I have
!V now (February 10, 1991 ) fixed this in c30 (though it reads
!V awkwardly and comes rather late)
Three hundred yards away, deep in the experiment wing, a boy and a pack of puppies came across an unexpected piece of good luck: an unlocked door, and a chance to play with Jefri's commset.
The phone was more complex than some. It was intended for hospital and field work, for the remote control of devices as well as for voice talk. By trial and error, the two gradually narrowed the options.
Jefri Olsndot pointed to numbers that had appeared on the side of the device. "I think that means we're matched with some receiver." He glanced nervously at the doorway. Something told him they really shouldn't be here.
"That's the same pattern as on the radio Mr. Steel took," said Amdi. Not even one of his heads was watching the door.
"I bet if we press it here, what we say will come out on his radio. Now he'll know we can help.... So what should we do?"
Note
!CHKd sp mischievous
Three of Amdi raced around the room, like dogs that couldn't keep their attention on the conversation. By now, Jefri knew this was the equivalent of a human looking away and humming as he thought. The angle of his gaze was another gesture, in this case a spreading and mischievous smile. "I think we should surprise him. He is always so serious."
"Yeah." Mr. Steel was pretty solemn. But then all the adults were. They reminded him of the older scientists at the High Lab.
Amdi grabbed the radio and gave him a "just watch this" look. He nosed on the "talk" switch and sang a long ululation into the mike. It sounded only vaguely like pack speech. One of Amdi translated, next to Jefri's ear. The human boy felt giggles stealing up his throat.
In his den, Lord Steel was lost in scheming. His imagination -- loosed by herbs and brandy -- floated free, playing with the possibilities. He was settled deep in velvet cushions, comfortable in the den's safety. The remaining candles shone faintly on the landscape mural, glinting from the polished furniture. The story he would tell the aliens, he almost had it now....
The noise on his desk began as a small thing, submerged beneath his dreaming. It was mostly low-pitched, but there were overtones in the range of thought, like slices of another mind. It was a presence, growing. Someone is in my den! The thought tore like Flenser's killing blade. Steel's members spasmed panic, disoriented by smoke and drink.
There was a voice in the middle of the insanity. It was distorted, missing tones that any normal speech should have. It howled and quavered at him, "Lord Steel! Greetings from the Pack of Packs, the Lord God Almighty!"
Note
!PRB QU I hope people don't think that Steel thinks it was Jefri talking!
Part of Steel was already out the main hatch, staring wide-eyed at his guards in the hallway beyond. The troopers' presence brought a bit of calm, and icy embarrassment. This is nonsense. He tipped a head to the alien device on his desk. The echoes were everywhere, but the sounds originated in the far-talker.... There was no pack speech now, just the high-pitched slices of sound, mindless warbling in the middle range of thought. Wait. Behind it all, faint and low ... there were the coughing grunts he recognized as mantis laughter.
Steel rarely gave way to rage. It should be his tool, not his master. But listening to the laughter, and remembering the words.... Steel felt black bloodiness rising in first one member and then another. Almost without thought, he reached back and smashed the commset. It fell instantly silent. He glared at the guards ranged at attention in the hallway. Their mind noise was quiet with stifled fear.
Note
!QU Is he killing too many people?
Someone would die for this.
Note
!QU do I go too far in misunderstandings? Suggest you catalog all
! such
!V Jefri misanalyzing Steel here
!V Johanna in c03 -- do delete this
!V QU Is the implication about father too negative
!V here (or maybe nicely Freudian)
Mr. Steel met with Amdi and Jefri the day after their success with the radio. They had convinced him. They were moving to the mainland. Jefri would have his chance to call for rescue!
Steel was even more solemn than usual; he made a big thing about how important it was to get help, to defend against another attack from the Woodcarvers. But he didn't seem angry about Amdi's little prank. Jefri breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Back home, Daddy would have tanned his hide for something like that. I guess Amdi is right. Mr. Steel was serious because of all his responsibilities and the dangers they faced. But underneath he was a very nice person.
-=*=-
Note
!MARK 18Jun89
!here is where r2.txt should go
^
^
!V
!INCON BKG Rethink the b/s numbers, and how they apply to the different
! protocol layers
^ V INCON CHK go through whole story and make message rates consistent
^ ^ls 1 deleted for now January 26, 1991
^ [Light gloss]
Crypto: 0
Note
^ Syntax: 43
As received by: Transceiver Relay03 at Relay
Language path: Firetongue->Cloudmark->Triskweline, SjK units [Firetongue and Cloudmark are High Beyond trade languages. Only core meaning is rendered by this translation.]
From: Arbitration Arts Corporation at Firecloud Nebula [A High Beyond military[?] organization. Known age ~100 years]
Subject: Reason for concern
Summary: Three single-system civilizations are apparently destroyed
Key phrases: scale interstellar disasters, scale interstellar warfare?, Straumli Realm Perversion
Distribution: War Trackers Interest Group, Threats Interest Group, Homo Sapiens Interest Group
Date: 53.57 days since the fall of Straumli Realm
Note
^ CHRON" 4.579Msec
^ xxx seconds since the fall of Straumli Realm
^ (Clock Slop < 100 seconds)
Text of message:
Note
!V June 12, 1991 say Given other things in story, I'd say between 5000
!V and 120000 messages per day is plausible would lead to
!V between 265000 and 6300000 messages. So I'm going to 1e6 here
^ V that's over 54d
Recently an obscure civilization announced it had created a new Power in the Transcend. It then dropped "temporarily" off the Known Net. Since that time, there have been about a million messages in Threats about the incident -- plenty of speculations that a Class Two Perversion had been born -- but no evidence of effects beyond the boundaries of the former "Straumli Realm".
Note
!ID Consider using "out from" consistently in place of "above"
!V June 12, 1991 NO, the "above" usage is generally to entrenched
!V Note references to Eye-in-the-U here
!jrf2 How many seconds??
^ V June 12, 1991 hr sec PRB
Arbitration Arts specializes in treckle lansing disputes. As such, we have few common business interests with natural races or Threats Group. That may have to change: sixty-five hours ago, we noticed the apparent extinction of three isolated civilizations in the High Beyond near Straumli Realm. Two of these were Eye-in-the-U religious probes, and the third was a Pentragian factory. Previously their main Net link had been Straumli Realm. As such, they have been off the Net since Straumli dropped, except for occasional pinging from us.
We diverted three missions to perform fly-throughs. Signal reconnaissance revealed wideband communication that was more like neural control than local net traffic. Several new large structures were noted. All our vessels were destroyed before detailed information could be returned. Given the background of these settlements, we conclude that this is not the normal aftermath of a transcending.
Note
!INCON REN "type 2" or "class 2"?
!V Class Two (Type 73 was used earlier in reference to Old One, though;
These observations are consistent with a Class Two attack from the Transcend (albeit a secretive one). The most obvious source would be the new Power constructed by Straumli Realm. We urge special vigilance to all High Beyond civilizations in this part of the Beyond. We larger ones have little to fear, but the threat is very clear.
Note
!
!Relayer gesture phrases <-- can't find any ref to this February 10, 1991
!QU IMP Are wars rare? (and what does that mean?)
!IMP ID What substrates are most susceptible to Helper?
! Can mean substrate at different levels (Terrestrial v Jovians... or
! cultural)
! High Beyond is most susceptible
!Chapter TITLE: By all that is Moderate!
!ID Jellyfish image of the Helper
!PRB INCON Think about representation and propaganda of the Helper
!ID Might have diagrams courtesy Woodcarver Graphics
!ID PRB QU How to work net wildlife in -- see sapient packets, below
!PRB "play/pay" has to be explained somewhere
!V can't find any reference to this February 10, 1991
!Possible INCON Contradiction in how hard it is to make ultradrive
! (cf the refugee ship)
-=*=-
^ ^ls 1 deleted for now
^ [Light gloss]
Crypto: 0
Note
^ Syntax: 43
As received by: Transceiver Relay03 at Relay
Language path: Firetongue->Cloudmark->Triskweline, SjK units [Firetongue and Cloudmark are High Beyond trade languages. Only core meaning is rendered by this translation.]
From: Arbitration Arts Corporation at Firecloud Nebula [A High Beyond military[?] organization. Known age ~100 years]
Subject: New service available
Summary: Arbitration Arts to provide Net relay service
Key phrases: Special Rates, Sentient Translator Programs, Ideal for civilizations in the High Beyond
Distribution: Communication Costs Interest Group, Motley Hatch Administration Group
Note
^ V June 3, 1991 Consider doing this to less precision:
Date: 61.00 days since the fall of Straumli Realm
Note
^ CHRON" Date: 5270944 seconds since the fall of Straumli Realm
^ xxx seconds since the fall of Straumli Realm
^ (Clock Slop < 100 seconds)
Text of message:
Arbitration Arts is proud to announce a transceiver-layer service especially designed for sites in the High Beyond [rates tabulated after the text of this message]. State of the Zone programs will provide high quality translation and routing. It has been nearly one hundred years since any High Beyond civilization in this part of the Galaxy has been interested in providing such a communication service. We realize the job is dull and the armiphlage not in keeping with the effort, but we all stand to benefit from protocols that are consistent with the Zone we live in. Details follow under syntax 8139. ... [Cloudmark:Triskweline translator program balks at handling syntax 8139.]
Note
!V PRB "syntax" v "protocol"
Note
^
Note
^
-=*=-
^ ^ls 1 deleted for now
^ [Light gloss]
Crypto: 0
Note
^ Syntax: 43
As received by: Transceiver Relay03 at Relay
Language path: Cloudmark->Triskweline, SjK units [Cloudmark is a High Beyond trade language. Despite colloquial rendering, only core meaning is guaranteed.]
From: Transcendent Bafflements Trading Union at Cloud Center
Subject: Matter of life and death
Summary: Arbitration Arts has fallen to Straumli Perversion via a Net attack. Use Middle Beyond relays till emergency passes!
Key phrases: Net attack, scale interstellar warfare, Straumli Perversion
Distribution: War Trackers Interest Group, Threats Interest Group, Homo Sapiens Interest Group
Date: 61.12 days since the fall of Straumli Realm
Note
^ CHRON" Date: 5281040 seconds since the fall of Straumli Realm
! xxx seconds since the fall of Straumli Realm
! (Clock Slop < 70 seconds)
Text of message:
WARNING! The site identifying itself as Arbitration Arts is now controlled by the Straumli Perversion. The Arts' recent advertisement of communications services is a deadly trick. In fact we have good evidence that the Perversion used sapient Net packets to invade and disable the Arts' defenses. Large portions of the Arts now appear to be under direct control of the Straumli Power. Parts of the Arts that were not infected in the initial invasion have been destroyed by the converted portions: Fly-throughs show several stellifications.
Note
!CHK stellifications? I had trouble with this word in MiRT; not sure if
! I had it right as of publication
!V according to my dictionary "stellify" means "turn into a star";
!V and this is in contradiction to the "stellation" I used in MiRT
!V (at least in MIRT/C15A.TXT)
What can be done: If during the last thousand seconds, you have received any High Beyond protocol packets from "Arbitration Arts", discard them at once. If they have been processed (then chances are it is the Perversion who is reading this message and with a [broad smile]), then the processing site and all locally netted sites must be physically destroyed at once. We realize that this means the destruction of solar systems, but consider the alternative. You are under Transcendent attack.
Note
^ V June 12, 1991 hr sec
If you survive the initial peril (the next thirty hours or so), then there are obvious procedures that can give relative safety: Do not accept High Beyond protocol packets. At the very least, route all communications through Middle Beyond sites, with translation down to, and then up from, local trade languages.
For the longer term:
Note
!ID could have this second part of the message be a separate mailing
! from my pet flamer, and/or some naif
!PRB All this should be obvious/old hat to the intended audience
!V The last few sentences of the posting may be an excuse for
!V its Dick-and-Jane tone
!?V INCON Class Two as originally presented seems a little
! different than
!V this -- not that it was a danger to the creating civilization in
!V the Middle Beyond
It's obvious that an extraordinarily powerful Class Two Perversion has bloomed in our region of the galaxy. For the next thirteen years or so, all advanced civilizations near us will be in great danger.
If we can identify the background of the current perversion, we may discover its weaknesses and a feasible defense. Class Two Perversions all involve a deformed Power that creates symbiotic structures in the High Beyond -- but there is enormous variety of origins. Some are poorly-formed jokes told by Powers no longer on the scene. Others are weapons built by the newly transcendent and never properly disarmed.
Note
^ V April 14, 1991 May want to delete the last couple of sentences
The immediate source of this danger is well-documented: a species recently up from the Middle Beyond, Homo sapiens, founded Straumli Realm. We are inclined to believe the theory proposed in messages [...], namely that Straumli researchers experimented with something in Shortcuts, and that the recipe was a self-booting evil from an earlier time. One possibility: Some loser from long ago planted how-to's on the Net (or in some lost archive) for the use of its own descendants. Thus, we are interested in any information related to Homo sapiens.
-=*=-
Note
!V CHKd geometry
The next day Amdi went on the longest trip of his young life. Bundled in windbreakers, they traveled down wide, cobbled streets to the straits below the castle. Mr. Steel led the way on a chariot-cart drawn by three kherhogs. He looked marvelous in his red- striped jackets. Guards dressed in white fur rolled along on either side, and the dour Tyrathect brought up the rear. The aurora was as brilliant as Amdijefri had ever seen, brighter in sum than the full moon above the northern horizon. Icicles grew down from buildings' eaves, sometimes all the way to the ground: glittering, green-silver pillars in the light.
Then they were on the boats, rowing across the straits. The water swept like chill black stone around the hulls.
When they reached the other side, Starship Hill towered over them, higher than any castle could ever be. Every minute brought new visions, new worlds.
It took half an hour to reach the top of that hill, even though their carts were pulled by Kherhogs, and nobody walked. Amdi looked in all directions, awed by the landscape that spread, aurora-lit, below them. At first Jefri seemed just as excited, but as they reached the hilltop, he stopped looking around and hugged painfully hard at his friend.
Note
!V Seems like by this time there should be
! more construction
!V Actually what you are saying here isn't too inconsistent with
!V what you say at the beginning of c24
Mr. Steel had built a shelter around the starship. Inside, the air was still and a little warmer. Jefri stood at the base of the spidery stairs, looking up at the light that spilled from the ship's open doorway. Amdi felt him shivering.
"Is he frightened of his own flier?" asked Tyrathect.
By now Amdi knew most of Jefri's fears, and understood most of the despair. How would I feel if Mr. Steel were killed? "No, not scared. It's the memories of what happened here."
Steel said gently, "Tell him we could come again. He doesn't have to go inside today."
Jefri shook his head at the suggestion, but couldn't answer right away. "I've got to go on. I've got to be brave." He started slowly up the stairs, stopping at each step to make sure that Amdi was still all with him. The puppies were split between concern for Jefri and the desire to rush madly into this wonderful mystery.
Then they were through the hatch, and into Two-Legs strangeness. Bright bluish light, air as warm as in the castle ... and dozens of mysterious shapes. They walked to the far side of the big room, and Mr. Steel stuck some heads in the entrance. His mind sounds echoed loudly around them. "I've quilted the walls, Amdi, but even so, there isn't room for more than one of us in here."
"Y-yes," there were echoes and Steel's mind sounded strangely fierce.
"It's up to you to protect your friend here, and let me know about everything you see." He moved back so that just one head still looked in upon them.
"Yes. Yes! I will." It was the first time anybody except Jefri had really needed him.
Jefri wandered silently about the room full of his sleeping friends. He wasn't crying any more, and he wasn't in the silent funk that often held him. It was as if he couldn't quite believe where he was. He passed his hands lightly across the caskets, looked at the faces within. So many friends, thought Amdi, waiting to be wakened. What will they be like?
"The walls? I don't remember this ..." said Jefri. He touched the heavy quilting that Steel had hung.
"It's to make the place sound better," said Amdi. He pulled at the flaps, wondering what was behind: Green wall, like stone and steel all at once ... and covered with tiny bumps and fingers of gray. "What's this?"
Jefri was looking over his shoulders. "Ug. Mold. It's spread. I'm glad Mr. Steel has covered it up." The human boy drifted away. Amdi stayed a second longer, poked several heads up close to the stuff. Mold and fungus were a constant problem in the castle; people were always cleaning it up -- and perversely so, in Amdi's opinion. He thought fungus was neat, something that could grow on hardest rock. And this stuff was especially strange. Some of the clumps were almost half an inch high, but wispy, like solid smoke.
The back-looking part of him saw that Jefri had drifted off toward the inner cabin. Reluctantly, Amdi followed.
They stayed in the ship only an hour that first time. In the inner cabin Jefri turned on magic windows that looked out in all directions. Amdi sat goggle-eyed; this was a trip to heaven.
For Jefri it was something else. He hunched down in a hammock and stared at the controls. The tension slowly left his face.
"I -- I like it here," said Amdi, tentatively, softly.
Note
!V IMP PRB again ambiguity about Johanna's survival
!V Gotta get this handled consistently!
Jefri rocked gently in the hammock. "... Yes." He sighed. "I was so afraid ... but being here makes me feel closer to ..." His hands reached out to caress the panel that hung close to the hammock. "My dad landed this thing; he was sitting right here." He twisted around, looked at a glimmering panel of light above him. "And Mom got the ultrawave all set.... They did it all. And now it's only you and me, Amdi. Even Johanna is gone.... It's all up to us."
Note
!jrf2 About 20 pages back, Jefri refers to Johanna as if he knows she's
!jrf2 alive. Does he? Did he? This is confusing here.
-=*=-
Note
^ ^ls 1 deleted for now January 26, 1991
!?V suggest using this special mark all through in the news items to
!V make them come out in single space
!V JEFRI
Vrinimi Classification: Organizational SECRET. Not for distribution beyond Ring 1 of the local net.
Transceiver Relay00 search log:
Beginning 19:40:40 Docks Time, 17/01 of Org year 52090 [128.13 days since the fall of Straumli Realm]
Link layer syntax 14 message loop detected on assigned surveillance bearing. Signal strength and S/N compatible with previously detected beacon signal.
Language path: Samnorsk, SjK:Relay units
From: Jefri Olsndot at I dont know where this is
Subject: Hello. My names Jefri Olsndot. Our ships hurt adnd we need help. pPlease anser.
Summary: Sorry if I get some of this wrong. This keybord is STUPID!!
Key phrases: I dont know
To: Relay anybody
Text of message: [empty]